Tips for Retards™ - Tip No.12
This was an odd one. I was strolling along to work with my stomach filled with yogurty goodness (I have taken to eating yogurt for breakfast and let me tell you - it rules...as long as there's no fruity gayness in it...bleugh) and I took an abnormal path: cutting through a back alley behind C.R.E.W.S. on Church. Let me tell you, the rear garbage alley of a gay bar is a FUN place to be at 7am. :s
Anyway, anyway, anyway...the alley way lies right between the aforementioned bar and an apartment building - Vaseline Towers™, to be exact. The refuse from the entire building lives there until, presumably, some fat, crack-assed guido in a garbage truck comes to pick it up. Sitting in the corner is a pile of garbage that we are left to surmise must have been too abnormally shaped to fit down the garbage chute or perhaps was left out to appeal to the homeless people who need to furnish their shopping carts once their multicoloured twist-tie collection runs dry.
Sitting out in front was, no lie, a Holiday Inn garbage can.
Now, I hear what you're saying - who cares? Think about it. People steal shit from hotels all the time - soap, shampoo, conditioner, towels, hell even bedsheets, I bet (they most likely steal the Bible too, but really...is it stealing? Everyone has a right to read to Good News in the comfort of their own home).
The thing that all the above mentioned items have in common is the ability to disconnect themselves from the Holiday Inn. Unless they have towels embroidered with the Holiday Inn logo (which they probably do, come to think of it), these theives are not gonna get caught. Even the soap with "Holiday Inn" imprinted will become 'any soap' in 3-4 washes.
But a garbage can? Seriously - where would you put your Holiday Inn garbage can? The bathroom? With "Holiday Inn" turned towards the wall? Jeezly crow - spend $3.99 and buy a comparable one at Canadian Tire, for fuck sake. Too hard? Oh wait...I'll do it for you. Hang on. There. Granted, it's $10, but it also is an outdoor LARGE garbage can.
The moral: Stealing Holiday Inn garbage cans is tacky and stupid.
Tips for Retards™ - Tip No.12
Anyway, anyway, anyway...the alley way lies right between the aforementioned bar and an apartment building - Vaseline Towers™, to be exact. The refuse from the entire building lives there until, presumably, some fat, crack-assed guido in a garbage truck comes to pick it up. Sitting in the corner is a pile of garbage that we are left to surmise must have been too abnormally shaped to fit down the garbage chute or perhaps was left out to appeal to the homeless people who need to furnish their shopping carts once their multicoloured twist-tie collection runs dry.
Sitting out in front was, no lie, a Holiday Inn garbage can.
Now, I hear what you're saying - who cares? Think about it. People steal shit from hotels all the time - soap, shampoo, conditioner, towels, hell even bedsheets, I bet (they most likely steal the Bible too, but really...is it stealing? Everyone has a right to read to Good News in the comfort of their own home).
The thing that all the above mentioned items have in common is the ability to disconnect themselves from the Holiday Inn. Unless they have towels embroidered with the Holiday Inn logo (which they probably do, come to think of it), these theives are not gonna get caught. Even the soap with "Holiday Inn" imprinted will become 'any soap' in 3-4 washes.
But a garbage can? Seriously - where would you put your Holiday Inn garbage can? The bathroom? With "Holiday Inn" turned towards the wall? Jeezly crow - spend $3.99 and buy a comparable one at Canadian Tire, for fuck sake. Too hard? Oh wait...I'll do it for you. Hang on. There. Granted, it's $10, but it also is an outdoor LARGE garbage can.
The moral: Stealing Holiday Inn garbage cans is tacky and stupid.
Tips for Retards™ - Tip No.12
Don't steal garbage cans from the Holiday Inn because it makes you look like a total toolfuck to everyone and anyone who happens to turn it around while sitting on the toilet at the shit-hole hovel you call a home.
Toodles.
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