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The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

"So morbid...a sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished..."
~ General Zod

 

F'ing F'day Feast

Appetizer
Name 3 people whom you admire for their intelligence.
Marcos, my father and Howard Stern.

Soup
What's the last food you tried that you really didn't care for.
Pre-packaged Herb Salad because it was laced with coriander.

Salad
If you could rename the street that you live on, what would you want it to be called?
Who thinks of this stupid shit? Sean Is The Greatest Avenue

Main Course
When was the last time you were genuinely surprised?
Can't recall.

Dessert
Share a household tip.
Duct tape gets rid of plantar warts.

 
 

Humourless, Imbecilic, Flag-Waving Retardation

..on the internet, no less! *SHOCKING*

I belong to myspace.com as you can now verify by viewing my profile. Go ahead, do it. Make sure you come back, though...

...back? Cool.

Okay, in the past two days the infamous "ANTI-BONSAI KITTENS" petition as resurfaced through a series of numbnuts who don't actually take the time to read the site, they just ASSUME it's real based on photos and hearsay. If one was to visit BonsaiKitten.com immediately, they are bombarded with a picture of a cat in a jar.

They then decide to read the main page, becoming more incensed with every second.

"WHAT A SICK FUCK!"

...and they sign the petition with lightning speed, often adding a "This guy needs to burn in hell," or some such nonsense, for good measure (in reality this is a reflex to deflect guilt off of themselves for reading such a perverse and twisted website).

HOWEVER, this website, as has been PUBLISHED WIDELY FOR YEARS, is NOT REAL.

Hear that? NOT REAL. It's a joke. A satirical look at Japanese beautification and preservation practices. And it's a fucking hysterical site if you're smart enough to realize what's going on.

Sadly, some people can't. I don't blame them, really...I mean, not everyone is programmed to understand subtlety and subtext, so let them go along their merry way, believing tabloids and every story they hear on Entertainment Tonight without even batting an eyelash.

I, however, enjoy nothing more than subtle satire and sarcastic rants. Sue me.

Back to my point:

A person on my friends list posted this petition and I tactfully pointed out that it was a hoax and that he should actually read the website. After four of five minutes of perusing, it would become crystal clear. Fine.

I thought this was the end of the story.

Then a good buddy of mine posted the petition again, stating it was a hoax and telling people to ignore it.

Pointing out stupidity is fun.

Then I get up this a.m. and check my myspace inbox. There is a bulletin post from a girl on my list who I, admittedly, don't know that well, but who seemed cool to me in the past.

The title of the bulletin was "Bonsai Kittens - this is a hoax!!"

I laugh.

People who believe are stupid.
People who get it are smart.
People who sign the petition are stupid.
People who patronizingly point out the hoax are smart.

Then I open her bulletin.

To paraphrase, it basically said the usual:

- this thing is a hoax
- been known for years
- read the website, it's obvious
- don't bother signing the petition.

Fine, fine, fine.

Then came the straw. You know...the one that broke that fragile camel's back?

She wrote:

"Don't waste your time signing the petition - go to the SPCA website to see how to get this website shut down."

Sorry?

Say again?

Hang on a minute, I'm putting my Perry Mason hat on...

...nice.

So, WITNESS...you state that you realize the website is fake. True?

Yes.

And you also state that signing a petition to have a website shut down that is promoting a fake practice is a waste of time?

Yes.

So you admit the website is not real?

Yes.

And you admit that the procedure of 'jarring kittens' is a figment of this webmasters imagination?

Yes.

And it's not practiced anywhere on this planet that you are aware of?

Yes.

Not even in this webmaster's home?

Yes.

Why?

Because the website is fake.

You also admit that people should read the SPCA's website, do you not?

Yes.

And is it true that the SPCA website has researched Bonsaikitten.com?

Yes.

As has the FBI?

Yes.

And the conclusion was the website is fake, was it not?

Yes.







...need I go on?

This bulletin post made steam come out my ears. I immediately deleted this humourless, imbecilic, flag-waving retard off my friends list. I then posted this bulletin, stating the OBVIOUS:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The obviously fake website Bonsai Kitten has come under fire by a ludicrous petition that is making the rounds again.

The website is a joke. Anyone who signs the petition is a fool.

I can handle fools.

What I can't handle is people stating the website is a joke, and then in the next paragraph posting a link to a website on how to shut Bonsai Kitten down.

Huh?

Ever heard of free speech?

Anyone reposting the moron link on how to shut down this website is being deleted from my friends list. I was shocked when someone on my list encouraged this practice, denying the website owners right to post whatever the FUCK he wants.

And if the Humane Society is going to be offended, they should start worrying about REAL fucking problems with REAL fucking animals and not wasting their time with a HUMOUROUS WEBSITE THAT IS IN NO WAY REAL OR DOING THE THINGS IT CLEARLY JOKES ABOUT PRACTICING.

"The Massachusetts SPCA and the FBI initiated an investigation of the site's creator, but discovered no evidence of actual animal abuse or the sale of bonsai kitten "products," though the investigation remains active. If the creator is not e-mailing the obscene materials to an unwilling audience, violating a User's Agreement, committing the abuse depicted on site, or actually selling products involving animal cruelty, then the site is considered free speech and is protected by the First Amendment."

This has to be the most moronic statement ever - since the guy's website is FAKE (AND THE COCKING FBI HAS SAID SO), we can't do anything. But here are methods to stop this horrible practice...not kitten abuse, mind you, we're talking about humour on the internet.

Idiots.

The onion will be next on the hit list for fucktards like this and anyone who agrees it should be shut down.

Good day,

Sean

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

My problem here is multi-fold:

1) This webmaster, no matter how much the FICTIONAL (I feel I have to keep saying it, coz some people, as we've seen here, are too stupid to figure it out) content of his website 'offends' you, has a right to post it.
2) The SPCA should really be spending time and energy on the real and very tangible cruelties that are inflicted on animals EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of EVERY SINGLE DAY, not some guy with a website about the FICTIONAL PRACTICE of sticking FICTIONAL CATS in FICTIONAL JARS!
3) The amount of knee-jerk reaction bullshit that still rears its pimply, sunken-in head, is ASTOUNDING.

If this website is shut down - ANYTHING could be shut down because someone disagrees with it.

As I said in my bulletin, The Onion will be under fire next.

The moral for today is:

- don't be stupid
- don't take things at face value
- disagreement or a lack of sense of humour is not grounds for obliterating someone's right to free speech

...and finally...

- get a fucking life

Turrah!

Sean

 
 

Reason #34823 That I Am Going to Hell

At work, we have a guy who is Iranian (I believe).

He called me today claiming a package was mailed to him by accident.

He referred to the envelopes and papers as DICKUMENTS.

It made me laugh uncontrollably when I hung up.

Carry on.

 
 

I don't think you're Ricardo Montalban

This is the World Infamous George Takei Magic 8 Ball I created back in 2002. FUN TIMES!!

Ask it anything and click on the button in the bottom, right-hand corner. He knows everything and sees all. And like my boyfriend, he's always right.

 
 

Imagine

 
 

R.I.P.

I was sitting at work, mulling over bad, grammatically heinous and boring reports, trying to think of something to blog about. Then I stumbled onto this news piece accidentally...

...and I'm heartbroken.

James Doohan (Scotty) was always my favourite TOS member, after Kirk and McCoy. Very, very sad day. I realize I'm a day late, but still.

I do have to say, however, that Mr. Doohan had a very rough go of life in the last 10 years; contracting alzeihmers. He was barely comprehensible in interviews and for the last 4-5 years, he had a relative with him at all times to translate. Tragic ending, really.

:(


From the Star Trek pilot (1966)


(1967)


(Star Trek VI - 1992)


(More recent)


Rest In Peace
James Doohan

 
 

Let's boogie.

I have returned.

Spent the weekend in Waterloo with M. Was great being with him. Unfortunately, I had taken a detour the Amazonian rainforest and no one had told me.

We went to the Menonite farmer's market, which was certainly a highlight of the weekend. Had a great time. Unfortunately, when the homos arrived at the meca of conservative religious fundamentalism in Southern Ontario...

...the heaven's opened up.

I've not seen rain like that in AGES. I don't even remember rain like that ever occuring in Toronto. Probably coz I was in Waterloo and not in Toronto to experience it...erm...nevermind.

The market was AMAZING. Best veggies I've had in a long time. :)

We went out for drinks one night, got nicely toasted.

We also visited the Conestoga Mall, which as M pointed out, looked eerily like the Landford Mall from Roseanne. Fun times.

Also, we went to the Galaxy Cinema to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

WARNING: If you don't want to know what happens, don't read this. I make no apologies; this is riddled with spoilers.

C&TCF is probably my favourite book from my childhood, and the first film, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) is a bonefide classic (the title was changed from 'Charlie' to 'Willy Wonka' for the 1971 film because Quaker, who was financing a large part of the film, wanted to draw attention to it's Willy Wonka line of candy, which was based on the character from the original book). If you're not interested in my detailed thoughts, my grade on the film is a B.

I think Tim Burton, despite how hackneyed his style has become; how trite and contrived his well-thought out, completely-non-random, anti-whimsical quirkiness has become so ingrained in everyone's perception of his recent films, was meant to make this film. The illustrations from the original book are very faithfully brought to the screen, and the book's general oddness is really captured nicely.

The children are all PERFECTLY cast, with the possible exception of Veruca Salt (Julie Dawn Cole in the 1971 picture), who I think was slightly better in the original film only because of her delivery of the classic, "Daddy. I want an Oompa Loompa...NOooooooooOOoOooooW!" The girl in the new film just wasn't whiny enough. She certainly had the bitchiness down, but was oddly sympathetic when she was finally 'offed' in the movie because she wasn't as horrible as necessary. The rest of the kids; Augustus Gloomp, Violet Beauregard and Mike Teevee were all improvements, thankfully.

The kid playing Charlie was sweet and had me tearing up when he was offering to sell his Golden Ticket so his family could eat. :( Such a sweetheart.

The family was very good, too, although Burton casting Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Bucket tilted quite obviously towards nepotism as Mrs. Bucket is supposed to be at death's door (which was much more credible in the original film than this one). Glad to see Mr. Bucket survived into this film (he was inexplicably absent from the first film - possibly to make Charlie even MORE tragic).

The grandparents were GREAT, especially the nice casting of Liz Smith (The Vicar of Dibley) as Grandma Georgina (my personal fave of the oldies since that is actually my grandmother's real name).

Grandpa Joe, I have to admit, was much more charming and funny in the first film, played by the wonderful Jack Albertson (the most well known actor in the original cast). The actor playing Grandpa Joe in the new film was good, don't get me wrong, but no one could outdo Jack Albertson dancing around the rickety old house singing, "I've got a Golden Ticket!" Also, I don't think Joe worked in the factory in the book or 1971 film.

The look of the film is much improved from the 1971 version, partially due to Burton's production designer, Alex McDowell, although admittedly, it does look like Batman Returns Part II. The snowy outdoor scenes of the factory, with Danny Elfman's music pounding, look like the Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman is FINALLY returning to the big screen...alas, all for nowt.

The Bucket household is perfect, inside and out - exactly as I'd pictured it as a child. The factory exterior is amazing, as well, but again, looks like the Penguin's new lair. The 1971 film was shot in Munich, so it would look anti-American and anti-English, but it lacked that really off-the-wall quality that is captured in this movie.

The look of the factory interior, also is amazing, again improving on the 1971 version.

Unfortunately, most of the IMPROVEMENTS are solely due to throwing more money at the screen and don't contain any of the heart of the first film. The first room, when they enter, didn't contain the contract from the book or the first movie, which I thought was quite amusing as it really tells the children everything that's going to happen and eliminates the plot hole of "Why didn't they sue Wonka?"

Also, one thing that changed was the room that shrinks (which they did in this new version but as a throwaway - I doubt children would even understand what happened - pooh on the bad editing in this scene).

The chocolate room is BREATHTAKING, but then again, as a child I found the original room breathtaking. This one, though, really captures the spirit of the book, especially since you can't see walls anyway - which sadly, is something that mars the original (again, due to budget).

The Oompa Loompas don't look as cute, in fact, they're downright ugly, but they're choreography and singing was very amusing. Again, not as charming as the original, where the song always remained the same and you could read the words (this is a children's movie after all. Let's not kid ourselves). I also loved how they were all played by the same actor, really made them quite freaky.

Many things were changed for no reason that I could determine:

- Mike Teevee's mother is no longer his guardian, it's now Mr. Teevee. Although he's a geography teacher, like Mrs. Teevee in the book and first film.

- the 'announcement' of one child being given a 'special' prize (I don't remember this from the book and I know it's not in the first movie. The prize they ALL got was a lifetime supply of chocolate, the "special" prize was a surprise to Charlie)

- in the 1971 film, Veruca was offed by geese laying golden eggs, because the squirrel room, as written in the original book was slightly impossible at the time. Thankfully, they've changed it back to squirrels in this new movie (however, it should be noted that the 1971 line "She was a bad egg" is much better than "She was a bad nut" in the book and in the new movie. "Don't touch that squirrel's nuts!" was obvious, but still amusing).

- despite what I had been told, the full-length songs were NOT used in the new movie...major disappointment for me there.

- several gags from the book are missing, like the flavoured wall-paper, the aforementioned fizzy lifting drinks, among others (these two did appear in the 1971 film, though)

- there is no climax to the movie now, either emotional or physical:
In the original film and in the book, Charlie broke the rules of not touching anything by stealing an Everlasting Gobstopper and by drinking Fizzy Lifting Drinks after sneaking off the tour with Granpa Joe. When they get to the end of the tour they ask Wonka about Charlie's lifetime supply of chocolate and the guy FLIPS on Charlie, SCREAMING that he can't have it because he broke the rules, and Charlie leaves in tears as Grandpa Joe let's Wonka have what-for. Charlie, being the consumate hero, redeems himself by going back in and giving the gobstopper back to Wonka. He then turns around and gives Charlie the factory. End of film, nice little emotional climax.
The new film, however, has an entire cheezy, let's be one happy family kind of feel. They've given Wonka a HISTORY. BIG mistake. According to the new script writers, Wonka had a dad, Wilbur Winka (played by the indomitable Christopher Lee, one of my favourite actors ever, but unfortunately, he looks nearer and nearer to the grave with each subsequent film. :( Very sad.), who was a dentist and tortured him by not letting him eat candy. Is it just me, or did this seem somewhat stupid and overly melodramatic as there are LOADS of 100% NORMAL parents who NEVER let their kids eat candy. Talk about alienating a segment of your audience. Anyway, anyway, anyway...two of the funniest sight gags in the movie relate to this plotline (the hall of flags and the removable house), so I can't complain that much. The entire epilogue to the movie relates to Wonka feeling like he has no father and then rejoining with his own dad, but then defying all logic and moving the Buckets into his factory and calling THEM his family. So what happened to the reunion with Wilbur? A teary hug and then you start calling Charlie Bucket dad? The ending to the book and the original film were MUCH better.

The new film, though, with it's neatly packaged ending leaves no room for a sequel - at least not a sequel that would appear continuous (as the sequel book, "Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator" did). Even the 1971 film was left open for a possible sequel. The Great Glass elevator flying up in to the sky and Wonka delivering that classic line, "You know what happened to the little boy who got everything he wanted, don't you? He lived happily ever after," really makes you smile.

On a side note, kudos to the production team and Tim Burton for getting the Great Glass Elevator SPOT ON. Despite what many people will conclude is a rip on "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy's" similar scene, the Great Glass Elevator is exactly as described in the book.

Then we come to my major problem with this new version. Johnny Depp.

Call me crazy, but I prefer my Willy Wonka as a detached, insane, slightly frail and short old man as he was in the book (he was barely taller than the Oompa Loompas). I also like Wilder's performance much better, as he really 'got' what Roald Dahl was writing about and didn't need a subplot about a psychotic dentist father to add depth to his character. Wonka is ONE DIMENSIONAL...that's the point. We don't care about his personal history or background. And Depp's performance REALLY hung on that part of the plot for credibility so it really didn't fly with me.

Wilder's Wonka, and the Wonka of the book, was MEAN. He was nice to a point, but when he screams at Charlie at the end, he scares you shitless. You can feel Charlie's heart break when his idol morphs into a venom spewing viper. You need that quality to make the character work...or he serves little purpose beyond being a tour guide offing children whenever it suits him.

Unfortunately, that's what happens in Burton's new film - Depp's Wonka is so akin to Michael Jackson that it's more unsettling and creepy than charming and moralistic (as the book and 1971 versions are). His Chicklet teeth, pale white face, the-artist-formerly-known-as-a-symbol-now-known-as-Prince-esque high heels and overly foleyed leather gloves were also very disturbing, leaving me squirming uncomfortably in my seat a couple times.

Because of all the accoutrements that Depp and Burton added to Wonka, it makes him less interesting, less whimsical and less convincing as a character. Despite a couple funny scenes, one involving an analyst's couch and another involving a bi-annual haircut, Depp's Wonka is the films weakest link; really shooting the film in the proverbial foot.

The entire freakiness of the book which was somewhat lost in the first film, is really captured in Burton's version. Unfortunately, as I said before, a lot of the heart of the original is missing as a result. Depp's characterization aside, I recommend the film highly, but suggest you watch the 1971 version first.

Here's a little taste...

 
 

My, my

...at Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah
And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way.

- ABBA

So, I have arrived in Waterloo/Kitchener and it's pretty cool. The weather is nice, rainy and cloudy (seriously, no sarcasm there...hate the sun). Having a good time. Got wasted last night.

Upon arrival, however, I did notice two people with their own lawn chairs sitting outside a pizza joint eating directly out of the box.

Odd.

 
 

TGIF

Appetizer
What is your middle name? Would you change any of your names if you could? If so, what would you like to be called?

Cameron and Arthur. Yes, I have two. I am Scottish. Blow me.
I love my middle names and would never have them any other way. :)

Soup
If you were a fashion designer, which fabrics, colors, and styles would you probably use the most?

Burlap, brown and eau du paper-bag-princess.

Salad
What is your least favorite chore, and why?

Cleaning the toilet. You do the math, Sherlock.

Main Course
What is something that really frightens you, and can you trace it back to an event in your life?

Crowds. I got lost for 3 hours in the mall as a kid. Traumatized me for life.

Dessert
Where are you sitting right now? Name 3 things you can see at this moment.

I'm sitting at my desk at work. I can see my Purell bottle, my tea from this morning that i should really replace, and my stand up stapler that makes me moist.

 
 

My bottom...at the bottom of the heap.

WARNING: This blog entry is seeped in melodrama and self-loathing. You have been warned.

So, I'm going to Waterloo to see my man this weekend. I have a list of things to do:

- tape Eastenders from Wed. and Thurs.
- do laundry
- get a haircut
- pick up underwear
- pick up a new backpack

None of these things could be done before or during work except the underwear and the backpack items. I didn't really like the idea of having packaged underwear in my bag at work, so I thought I would tackle the backpack issue. I decided to take a trip down to Mountain Equipment Co-Op to buy a new one.

Before doing this, however, I checked their trusty and informative website to see what they had and what I would encounter when I arrived at their store, threw open the doors, reveled in their air conditioning and shopped till I was blue in the face. I found a couple bags I liked that were reasonably priced.

I headed out from my office with my ratty backpack in toe, listening to my MP3 player.

The sun was out, unlike my walk TO work, so the heat was oppressive and the humidity, that hangs over this city like flies around a pile of pooh, was even more so. I began misting. Then full blown hand wipes were required. My undershirt started sticking to me. My back began moistening up. Ick. Ick. Ick.

Nearly there. Nearly.

I cut across a parking lot to save time. I slip between an SUV and a sports car. As I pass the mirrors, I don't notice my unusually long headphone wire wraps around the SUV driver's side mirror. I keep walking.
My head is snapped back as the wire pulls at the headphones. My hair is a mess. It wet. I'm sweaty. I'm annoyed.

Nearly there.

I can see it getting closer. The green MEC logo is so inviting.

I get to the door. The lights are out.

Strange.

I look at the Hours of Operation sign.

Mon - Thurs 10am to whenever...

Friday...
...10am to whenever.

I look at my mobile.






9:32

That was the moment. I didn't realize it then, but that was the moment that the rollercoaster crested the top of the hill...the moment where you're pinned at the top of a huge incline, but still not careening down it. That was the moment.
The decent into madness was gradual, but a phone call from the boyfriend sped it along. Not that HE made me go mad, but talking about what I was annoyed at made me even more angry and made everything seem worse.

"I went to MEC and they were closed. 10 FUCKING am. What kind of SHITHOLE opens at 10am?!?! When do most stores open, huh?"

"I dunno...maybe-"

"9 FUCKING am! That's when!"

"When does the Eaton Centre open, huh?"

"I..?"

"9 AM!! FUCK."

"When I used to work at Sam's...? We opened at...9 AM."

"Um..."

"HMV!?!? 9 AM!"

"Sean..."

"But...NO. Mountain COCKING Equipment CHRISTING Co-Op doesn't open until 10am. Fucking hell. Not 9:45 where I could have waited. NO. 10 FUCKING am!"

The conversation was really insane and dog-barking-esque from my end and I want to apologize, for the record, for being insane.

I am sorry. He talked me down on the phone and I apologized then, but I feel like the ass that I am. :(

However...I still need a FUCKING backpack and I'm CERTAINLY not going to shop at Mountain Assing Equipment Sucking Co-Op.

Rant over.

"I used to think if you fell from grace it was more likely than not the result of one stupendous error, or else an unfortunate accident. I hadn't learned that it can happen so gradually you don't lose your stomach or hurt yourself in the landing. You don't necessarily sense the motion. I've found it takes at least two and generally three things to alter the course of a life: You slip around the truth once, and then again, and one more time, and there you are, feeling, for a moment, that it was sudden, your arrival at the bottom of the heap."

- Jane Hamilton, "A Map Of The World"

 
 

Miss Bigelow

...and no, I'm not talking about the lovely wife of the man who makes the tea.

The bf and I are planning on going to see the Choco Facto movie coming out this weekend. I'm keen, but also dreading it ruining my image of the 1971 classic. And the book for that matter.

One thing I AM looking forward to is the use of the COMPLETE poems Roald Dahl wrote for the book that were excised from the original film...

...like this one, for example:

Did any of you ever know
A person called Miss Bigelow?
This dreadful woman saw no wrong
In chewing, chewing all day long.
She chewed while bathing in the tub,
She chewed while dancing at her club,
She chewed in church and on the bus;
It really was quite ludicrous!
And when she couldn't find her gum,
She'd chew up the linoleum,
Or anything that happened near–
A pair of boots, the postman's ear,
Or other people's underclothes,
And once she chewed her boy friend's nose.
She went on chewing till, at last,
Her chewing muscles grew so vast
That from her face her giant chin
Stuck out just like a violin.
For years and years she chewed away,
Consuming fifty packs a day,
Until one summer's eve, alas,
A horrid business came to pass.
Miss Bigelow went late to bed,
For half an hour she lay and read,
Chewing and chewing all the while
Like some great clockwork crocodile.
At last, she put her gum away
Upon a special little tray,
And settled back and went to sleep–
(She managed this by counting sheep).
But now, how strange! Although she slept,
Those massive jaws of hers still kept
On chewing, chewing through the night,
Even with nothing there to bite.
They were, you see, in such a groove
They positively had to move.
And very grim it was to hear
In pitchy darkness, loud and clear,
This sleeping woman's great big trap
Opening and shutting, snap–snap–snap!
Faster and faster, chop–chop–chop,
The noise went on, it wouldn't stop.
Until at last her jaws decide
To pause and open extra wide,
And with the most tremendous chew
They bit the lady's tongue in two.
Thereafter, just from chewing gum,
Miss Bigelow was always dumb,
And spent her life shut up in some
Disgusting sanatorium.
And that is why we'll try so hard
To save Miss Violet Beauregard
From suffering an equal fate.
She's still quite young. It's not too late,
Provided she survives the cure.
We hope she does. We can't be sure.

- Roald Dahl

 
 

He bit me in my vagina

This video had me in stitches...



...then I realized how horrible a human being this stupid woman is; unleashing her untethered hell-beast on the world and accepting no responsibility. Makes me shudder to think what her kids are like.

And for the record - zero sympathy for those oh-so-painful vagina bites the dog ALLEGEDLY inflicts on his owner.

 
 

Boredom sets in...

No bearing on reality, but it brought a smile to my face.

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

 
 

Exit Stage Left

Well, he arrived on Monday afternoon.

He met several of my friends at a drinking session at Woody's. It somehow made everything more real...and I really loved it. They all thought he was pretty remarkable. He had a great time meeting them.

The entire visit was pretty much beyond description. Amazing as usual. I'm left feeling sated and sad at the same time, and I'm dying to see him again...

...which will be this weekend when I go to Waterloo.

I miss you, M.

xoxo

On a separate note...

A little song I've been obsessed with lately:

Delta Dawn
What's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
And did I hear you say
He was meeting you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky

She's forty-one and her daddy still calls her baby
And all the folks 'round Brownsville say she's crazy
Coz she walks downtown with her suitcase in her hand
Looking for a mysterious dark haired man

In her younger days, they called her Delta Dawn
Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on
Then a man of low degree stood by her side
And he promised her he'd take her for his bride

Delta Dawn
What's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
And did I hear you say
He was meeting you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky

 
 

To blonde or not to blonde

Because I am having a severe dry spell of relevant topics to speak of...

...let's talk about my hair.

I'm debating whether or not to bleach it again. I used to have it platinum blonde, but have been my natural colour for quite a while. It has a reddish tinge to it when untouched that I LOATHE.

I'll continue mulling this over...

And now for a little laugh, let's have a picture of Brett Somers giving the audience the finger on the Match Game. Heehee! Love that alcoholic lady.


This is an untouched photo - if you are still unsure...watch the clip.

 
 

I need a little inspiration

So in light of recent events, I needed a little inspiration, a little pep talk, all that jazz, whatever...

...anyway, anyway, anyway.

The following dialogue came to mind, with the Kryptonian scientist, Jor-El, speaking to his son, Kal-El, otherwise known as Superman.

Brightened my day a little.


My son, you do not remember me. I am Jor-El. I am ... your father. By now you will have reached your eighteenth year of time as it is measured on earth. By that same reckoning I will have been dead for many thousands of your years. The knowledge that I have of, matters physical and historic I have given to you fully on your voyage to your new home. These are important matters, to be, sure, but still matters of mere fact. There are questions to be asked and it is time for you to do so. Here in this Fortress of Solitude we shall try to find the answers together. How does a Good man live? What is virtue'? When does a man’s obligation to those around him exceed his obligation to himself'? These are not simple questions - even on Krypton there is no precise science which provides us with the answers. I can only tell you what I myself believe. To this end, I have tried to anticipate your questions, and in -the order of their importance to you.

Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton. Even though you have been raised as a human being, you are not one of them. You have great powers, only some of which you have, as yet, discovered

You are superior to others. You can only become inferior by setting yourself above them. Lead by inspiration. Let your actions and ideals become a touchstone against which mankind may learn how to serve the common good. While it is forbidden for you to interfere with human history itself, your leadership can stir others to their own capacity for moral betterment

The virtuous spirit has no need for thanks or approval. Only the certain conviction that what has been done is right. Develop such conviction in yourself, Kal-El. The human heart on your planet is still subject to small jealousies, lies, and monstrous deceptions. Resist these temptations as you inevitably find them - and your ethical power will then properly outweigh your physical advantage over others...

Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and power are needed - but always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. Your being is both separate and your own , but I have caused your earthly presence and must share responsibility for your actions. They can be a great people, Kal-El. They wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all - their capacity for good - I have sent them you...

...my only son.

 
 

...a thought.

 
 

Oprah and I

So I've changed the look of my blog slightly, making minor html modifications that only someone with a criminal record in boredom would care about.

Also, I've posted the title card I created for On A Night Like This, from Excelsiorkings Pictures.

I wanted to make the title look like it was on the windshield of a car as most of the movie takes place in a car on a rainy night. Turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. :D

As well, here is a link to the Superman Minisite, where my old Superman Animated film(s) are kept - older projects, one of which is still on the go, but on the extreme backburner. With the impending release of Superman Returns, I'd like to finish Superman II: The Animated Movie VERY soon, but likely this will not happen.

Anyway, anyway, anyway...

In a more bloggy vein, I was going to rant about Oprah and Hermes, but frankly, if you can't see why Oprah is the biggest cocking fucktard on the planet, then...fuck you. Stores have hours of operation. Just because you're DEEPAK FARKING CH-Oprah...doesn't mean diddly F'ing SQUAT. And claiming it was the most HUMILIATING experience of her life - a life filled with sexual, physical and mental abuse at the hands of a relative; a life of poverty growing up; a life of racism and Southern ideology...


...GIVE. ME. A. FUCKING. BREAK.

...and ESPECIALLY idiotic as it was only TWO WEEKS after this incident.

C&B... ...MACAROONS!

 
 

...shining like the sun...feeling like a number one....

So M, following his surprise visit, has now returned to the untouchable and intangible nether regions outside of TO that are all a mystery to me.

The past 36 hours were fantastic, memorable, dangerous, sexy and just...special.

We have both become the people we hate. The social commentary on the gay community that brought us together in mutual disdain has cruelly morphed us into the things we hate the most...

...like Luke Skywalker cutting off Darth Vader's hand. He became what he was fighting against.

In any event, part of me doesn't care...especially since it is highly probable that once the 'honeymoon phase' of this relationship is over, we'll be back to our resentful, spiteful selves.

I do, however, feel like a dog going after a juicy piece of meat on a tether.

It swings around, I grab hold of it - I enjoy it, I savour it, I want it.

And then it swings away again. :(

It always seems to come back, though...

*sigh*

...nice.

S.

P.S. On a slightly related note, I thought I would comment on those scenes in films where people jump through, or smash, a pane of glass...and come away completelyunscathed, not a scratch on them.

This is a lie.

I was a foot away from a picture that feel about 5 feet to the floor and shattered and me entire left leg was riddled (okay, may 7 or 8) with cuts.

Just thought I'd mention it.

Also, there is one scene on film which vividly and accurately depicts this - in Terminator 2: Judgement Day, during the break into the Cyberdyne Systems lab, Linda Hamilton's character flies through a pane of glass. And the bitch is CUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

This is the truth.

 
 

*sigh*

So the surprise was him, standing in the lobby of the building I work in...looking cuter than ever.

Jackpot.

 
 

Operation Clambake

The greatest website EVER...

Operation Clambake

Proceed with caution...

 
 

Life Laundry

I am in LOVE with the show "Life Laundry" on BBC Canada.

For those not in the know, it's a program in the vein of Changing Rooms or House Invaders, where an 'expert' enters an unconvincingly surprised commoner's home to 'de-clutter' - or 'de-cluttah,' according to the American/Cockney host, who has lived in the UK just long enough to sound marginally English. It is, however, disconcerting to hear someone with harsh American R's suddenly say "de-cluttah" or "It's goEEEng to the CRUSH-AH!" She sounds drunk most of the time as a result.

Anyway, anyway, anyway...

...this weekend, in my various attempts to do NOTHING, I managed to sit down and watch two episodes of this program. The second episode was fun, but the first episode involved a woman who was a PA and lived alone. And her flat wasn't nearly as dipped in mental illness as some that I've seen.

She did, however, have a shitload of items from her mother who had died under 'suspicious circumstances.'

Apparently, her mother had died from a seeming heart attack, but turned out to have been murdered during (or after) a robbery. Hundreds of items were tagged as evidence in a court case, still in the cloudy plastic bags (that you KNOW they reuse...your wedding rings could be sitting in a plastic coffin that previously held a cum-stained hankie from a rape trial... BLEUGH).

Anyway, anyway, anyway...

There was a scene where the woman and her sister started removing stuff from the bags and found their mother's rent book, which she filled out religiously, every month.

For some reason - it made me cry. They cried on the show, and I found it incredibly moving.

I can't explain it.

I guess there is a heart in me somewhere.

P.S. The boyfriend (cough...still getting used to that label...forgive me M.) is sending me a 'surprise' today at approx. 2pm. I think I know what it is, but I don't want to ruin his fun...or mine, for that matter. I am, however, stressing out about the entire 'surprise' thing...dunno why.

 
 

Friday (Saturday) Feast

Appetizer
Where do you plan to go on vacation this year, or where would you want to go?
I have neither the vacation time nor disposable income to do that this year. And people call me a gay man...I just came off a two week holiday that started asstastically and ended rather incredibly, so...go figure. Christmas will be my next chunk of time off. :)

Soup
What color is your bedroom? If you could redecorate it, what would you change?
It's dark purple with tan, blue, navy and white accents. Wouldn't change much about my bedroom except getting a new computer chair.

Salad
Do you have a bumper sticker on your vehicle? What does it say?
I have no car, and therefore no bumper sticker for my non-existent car. If I DID have a car, though, I wouldn't put a tacky bumper sticker on it.

Main Course
What's the worst pain you've ever been in?
Hmmm...probably getting my molar dug out when the anesthetic started to wear off...

Dessert
Who is your favorite celebrity? What do they do that inspires you?
My favourite celeb is probably Janeane Garafolo or Jennifer Saunders/Dawn French. Their lack of respect for a perceived notion of self-importance is what inspires me.

Turrah!

S.