"I say this with love; we're very close. She's a pig."
From "What Becomes a Semi-Legend Most" (1983)
Ah, Joan...how I love thee. And yes, I do remember a time when Elizabeth Taylor was sexy...many, many years ago now. And also, to answer your question - yes, I love kicking someone when they're down. It's not really mean unless you get caught.
Except some women can get older and have sex appeal...Elizabeth Taylor. [crowd hoots] Do they love her...don't you find her sexy? Well, I think she's fat.
[sporadic boos and silence]
Oh look how quiet the room got. You don't think she's fat - I think she's fat. And I say this with love; we're very close. She's a pig.
I think she's fat. Oh grow up, her thighs are going condo. Oh yes!
She wears stretch kaftans. This woman is fat.
["How fat IS she?"]
How fat is she? She has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
This woman can moon Europe!
This woman is FAT - mosquitos see her and scream, "BUFFET!"
Her bumper sticker says: "My Other Car is a Refrigerator!"
She puts mayonnaise on an aspirin!
I think she's fat - she drinks Pepsi Heavy.
I said to her, "What do you want on your hamburger?" She said, "A hot dog."
I take her around a lot. I took her to MacDonalds just to watch her eat and watch the numbers change.
She's the only woman I know who can stand in front of a microwave oven and go, "HURRY!"
Ah, Joan...how I love thee. And yes, I do remember a time when Elizabeth Taylor was sexy...many, many years ago now. And also, to answer your question - yes, I love kicking someone when they're down. It's not really mean unless you get caught.
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