The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

X is above Y.
X = You
Y = "the law"
Therefore, You are above "the law"

Now the only question remaining is why...and how, for that matter.

On no less than two occasions in the past 24 hours, I have witnessed people of varying means, intelligence and modes of transport exert their (apparently) god-given right to completely and utterly disregard all letters of the law. I give you...

Case 1:

Last night, my good buddy/neighbour Tyler and I were on our way out to purchase a couple (see: 4) sets of dishes that we'd both been eyeing at the ziggurat of affordable and marginally stylish kitchenwares - Kitchen Stuff Plus, or KSP to those out there who read our lengthy and colourful exchanges about their stock. As anyone who lives in downtown Toronto will know, last night saw the appearance of a storm to end all storms (although for my tastes, I prefer more lightning and thunder - less torrential downpours). We decided to venture out anyway for logistical reasons involved in painting Tyler's kitchen. I grabbed my umbrella, he grabbed his shopping cart and we headed off. We crossed the street (on the light, mind you - the white walkie-dude was lit up and the oncoming traffic was stopped at a red) and as we reached the other side, Tyler grabbed a cab that was STOPPED at the red light. As he grabbed the door handle, a wet-dog-looking girl comes barreling towards him on a bicycle and screams, "Get out of the fucking lane!" He was standing in the bike lane, but newsflash...t'was a red light, ass-clown. This girl had really decided to back the wrong horse last night because the shouting match that ensued was of truly intergalactic proportions. The gist: she was angry because it was raining and she didn't want to stop (she was planning on turning right, but again - newsflash, you still have to stop at every red, then turn). She screamed about us being in the bike lane and how she was soaked. Tyler screamed about her having to stop anyway and capped his argument off with "Are you having a bad day YET?!" ROFL For my part, I simply called her a cunt. What can I say...I was more concerned about not getting wet.

Does the rain give her a right to a) not stop, b) scream at people doing nothing wrong, c) all of the above, d) none of the above, or e) or f)? No, it doesn't...and you know that, because you're not stupid. Neither am I and neither is Tyler.

Case 2:

Just this morning, I was crossing the street, walking my bike, at the Bloor/Yonge intersection. I began to cross then this car decided to blow through the red light. I could hear someone on the other side of the intersection screaming, "It's a red light, asshole!" And I laughed because I find it amusing when strangers come on to me. Anyway, anyway, anyway...another car then blows through...the other traffic is now stopped, honking. And then ANOTHER car, followed by a motorcycle. The guy screams again about it being a red light. Then the motorcyclist, who I now notice is holding a sign which I can't read, says, "It's a FUNERAL! What are you staring at?!" This seemed to shut my pedestrian lover* up but I think to myself...a) where are the police escorts that would give you the right to blow through red lights and b) does being in a funeral motorcade allow you to have complete and utter disregard for the letter of the law? The answer of course is a) there were no police and b) no.

Very weird morning...and now I have to go help paint.

*your love making is so...pedestrian...

So once again - I am right and they are wrong. God. Why don't people just ASK me this shit before leaving their houses in the morning...???

Categories: rant