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The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

"So morbid...a sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished..."
~ General Zod

 

10% OFF!

Just got a call from my denist.

SEAN - "********, Sean speaking."
RECEPTIONIST - "Um...hi, Sean?"
SEAN - "Uh...yeah." (please imply your own sarcastic tone - I preemptively deem it to by wholly inadequate)
RECEPTIONIST - "Hi, Sean. This is **** from Dr. ****'s office. The hygienist is running a little late today..."
SEAN - "Uh huh..."
RECEPTIONIST - "...so we were wondering if you wouldn't mind coming in at 2:30 instead of 2."
SEAN - "Uh...sure, that's fine."
RECEPTIONIST - "Thanks, Sean. See you then."
SEAN - "Bye."

How DARE they bump me?! As Judy once said, "His life is NEARLY as important as MINE!"

I so feel like Bette Midler in Ruthless People...

BARBARA - "So, when do I get out of here?"
SANDY - "As soon as Mr. Stone pays the ransom."
BARBARA - "What's the problem? What is the ransom?"
SANDY - "Well, we asked for $500,000."
BARBARA - "That should be no problem."
SANDY - "He wouldn't pay."
BARBARA - "He wouldn't pay?"
SANDY - "Then we asked him for $50,000."
BARBARA - "Yeah?"
SANDY - "He still wouldn't pay. So now we're lowering our price to $10,000."
BARBARA - "Do I understand this correctly? I'm being marked down?"
[Starts crying]
BARBARA - "I've been kidnapped by K-Mart!"

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