The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

Yes, it's been a long, long, long while since I blogged about Project Runway. The reason? Lack of motivation. Why? Frankly, the last two episodes blew and sadly, this one was no different. As per usual, we picked up right where we left off in episode 3.9; reactions to the departure of Vincent. My reaction? "Who?" The boys were mostly indifferent, while the girls, specifically Laura, found his auf'ing to be a major wake-up call.
On the runway, The Klum appeared, looking as if she was wrapped in curtains from a gypsy's house. Before anyone could bludgeon the fashion victim to death, she informed them all that their challenge wouldn't be given to them on the runway...they'd receive it at a party put on by L'Oreal that evening. She also teased them, saying that she'd "invited some...um...special guests."


With that, the Klum left and the designers were off to their party. The soiree was held at the Pink Elephant, where undoubtedly, Kayne felt most at home. In the midst of cork popping and toasting, The Klum swaggered in and revealed the 'special' guests: Vincent and Angela - 'special' being the operative term.
Apparently, the entire time that The Klum was talking about 'other benefits to winning challenges,' she meant that you could be brought back. Frankly, it's total bullshit - Angela and Vincent, aside from Jeffrey, were the most "Good-TV-Friendly" people in the group and that's why they were brought back. Although it does explain Vincent's completely left-field win with Uli's mother (that dress was hideous and simple and I'll say it until I die).
Of course, the fact that Angela won a group challenge caused no end of drama and complaints. The real twist though, was the fact that Agnela or Vincent had to win Episode 3.10's challenge or they'd be sent packing faster than they could say 'fleurcion.' The Klum also stated that three people would be eliminated on this challenge. Any idiot can do the math and realize that Angela and Vincent's return is the worst attempt at a red-herring EVER and they'd obviously be returning to relative obscurity before the end credits aired.
The Klum finally got down to talking turkey and told everyone that this week's challenge was to design a cocktail party outfit using only black and white fabric. The twist? EVERY INCH of fabric they bought at Mood had to be used. As a sewer myself, I can tell you with experience: this is extremely difficult.
In the workroom, the Gunn explained the challenge in more detail and Angela asked a very important question - "Can we use black OR white, or do we have to use BOTH?" The answer? Both. Just remember that - it becomes important later on in the plot...

At Mood, the fabric buying took on a new level of intensity. Uli, of course, managed to find the most hideous print in the place to make a 'beach party dress.' I swear, this bitch doesn't get out of bed and shit if it ain't on the beach.
Back at the workroom, everyone got down to business. The dresses were all fairly similar, so describing everyone's ideas would be kind of pointless here. Some drama inevitably ensued...Jeffrey wanted a third win to piss everyone off even more. Vincent, on the other hand, was simply flabbergasted that the guy at Mood sold him more fabric than he'd asked for. Jeffrey, in addition, began ragging on Angela again but it seemed to fall on less sympathetic ears this time - most likely since people were working their asses off, not because anyone particularly cared for Angela any more or less than they had before.
At the other end of the spectrum was Michael, who was trying his best to help out Kayne's misguided design which he thought looked more 'working girl' than cocktail party outfit...and he was right. Not to mention the fact that Kayne's outfit had no visible white fabric on it (remember before when I told you to remember that thing? Well, here's to remembering because your remembering led you here...so remember...and learn).


The models were then shuffled in for a preliminary fitting and Laura began moaning to her model about how the returning designers have thrown her off her game. Her model, though, was more concerned about her ass not being eliminated (she knows where her bread is buttered).
After the break, some dude from L'Oreal came in to talk about the different looks for the designer's models. Do you care? Didn't think so...moving on...The Gunn then made his rounds, critiqueing everyone's designs. Vincent AGAIN was moaning about his yardage. Kayne's outfit met with disapproval from The Gunn as he asked, 'My one question is - where's the white fabric?"



Then The Gunn described the situation as "Make-it-work-time." Niiiice! Much less disastrous was Michael's design, but The Gunn again uttered a "Make it work" as he moved on to Angela's dress. After Angela, he spoke to Laura who was suddenly feeling very tired and broken. Crying like every other preggers bitch to come down the pike, she explained that her self-doubt was getting the better of her. In the workroom, Vincent had to make a scarf that really didn't go with his outfit to eat up his fabric.
The day of the runway show, Laura's spirit was renewed after watching a video message from her husband. The designers all headed to Parson NYC where they met The Gunn, who explained the make-up, hair and fitting set up and also let everyone know that any piece of fabric bigger than a postcard HAD to be used. Personally, I'd spend the rest of the morning cutting up my fabric into pieces smaller than postcards, but that's just me.
The drama wasn't over though as The Gunn informed Vincent, in front of everyone, that his model Gia had an 'accident.' Another model was provided as a substitute but obviously the whole 'fit' issue potentially presented a whole host of problems for Vincent. With a broken zipper and no seam allowance, he was on his way.
On the runway, The Klum entered, wearing a power-suit whose shoulders would make Joan Crawford jealous. In between beating her children (allegedly...based on the previous sentence), The Klum introduced the judges - The Kors, The Garcia and Zac Posen who is a "fashion designer" apparently.
Let the runway show commence...!








The standard interrogation at the hands of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse judges then began. Michael was up first and received many compliments from the judges, most notably on his ability to use all of the fabric by relining the purse his model was carrying. Up next was Vincent, who's first reaction from The Garcia was "I don't like this." Uli was third. Neither her fabric stuffed necklace, nor her sleeve length went over well with the judges who next set their sights on Angela and her "Edwardian" neckline. For the record, here is an example of an Edwardian neckline and please see Angela's outfit above for an example of an Autistic neckline - although her confusion is understandable. Jeffrey's smirk at Angela's raking over the coals was shortlived as The Kors lit into him next, calling his outfit cheap and The Garcia finished the one-two punch by telling him that the judges would like to see something other than the rock-n'-roll-whore-look from him (true, I made that up, but it's NEARLY what she said). Laura's dress was up next and went over like gang-busters...as if we thought it wouldn't. Finally, Kayne came under the spotlight and as I said above, the judges were of two minds: front = HOT, back = HOT MESS. They also chastized him for not using white fabric (and I'm sorry, but white STRING doesn't count, you loon).
The deliberation came and went and the designers returned to their positions in front of the judges. The winner was announced first and it was Laura. Sweet! Unsurprisingly, this meant that Angela and Vincent were out. Before she left the runway, though, The Klum informed Laura that there would be no immunity for the final challenge.
In the end, it was Kayne who was sent packing and honestly, not a minute too soon in my opinion. The guy was way off the taste meter, unless your last name was Presley and you live in a place that Neil Simon wrote an album about.
Until next time, true believers!

Tim G. "Make it work" count = 15
Tim G. "I'm concerned" count = 2