The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

Another week in Paris = another week of hazy Project Runway viewing, barely good enough to yawn at. Episode 3.9 picked up where 3.8 left off and continued us along a strange new path for Project Runway fans...BOREDOM.
One interesting point, however, was this episode LITERALLY played like the second half of a two parter, with the designers being given their assignment still wearing their horrific outfits from last week. Speaking of the brief, the designers had to design a 'couture' gown. According to the Gunn, loads of people throw around the term 'couture' but only those LICENSED by the GOVERNMENT OF FRANCE as "Couture Designers" can claim it rightfully. Kind of like those buffoons who call sparkling wine from Niagara Falls "champagne."
The Gunn expected the designers to create an "elaborate" get-up and use "couture techniques" in creating it (hand sewn hems and embellishments). The French chick from the last episode then added that they only had TWO days for this challenge. Woah. French Lady was throwing a party on "Sunday night" that the couture gowns would be worn at by the European models, which were chosen for them.
Back at their hotel rooms, Jeffrey couldn't resist one final dig at Angela (although it was pretty clear to the more discerning viewer that his comments were repeated from last week).


The Gunn then took all the designers out to a nice, street-side French restaurant and everyone congratulated Jeffrey on his first win. You could literally HEAR his head inflating. Before it got too big, though, the Gunn shuffled them off to the Metro and took everyone on a walk, arriving at some location considered "the top of Paris" for inspiration. Everyone sketched while sitting on the grounds. Yawn-o-rama.
The Gunn led them off again to Rain, the Paris equivalent to Mood, where they bought their fabrics. The budget this time around was quite high, considering, at 300 euros, which is $375 USD.
Back at Parsons Paris, the designers found their model cards but Tim warned everyone that the dresses would be refitted in NYC for their American models. That's a challenge in itself, really. As The Gunn left, he gave them an amusing "make it work" in French, although I couldn't really tell what it was he said (it certainly wasn't "faire le travailler").
Uli, for her couture gown, decided to go plain and simple, which I was impressed by until she revealed a rather self-agrandizing attitude by uttering "that's quite something" in reference to her lack of pattern selection.


The other designers went through their looks with none really jumping out. On a more melodramatic note, in the sewing room, Laura again relayed her dismay at Kayne's choices but of course, he was having none of it. Vincent, on the other hand, was convinced he was the greatest designer on planet Earth; Laura described him as "a legend in his own mind." Taking a page from Daniel Franco's book, Vincent enjoyed pinning something on, stepping back and then feigned worry about his design (in reality, he was just fishing for compliments from the other designers). Laura then set her sights on Michael, questioning his ability to pull off his 'ambitious' (see: not done by machine) design. This challenge was also interesting for that reason - the people who work solely on machines were fucked (like Michael).
Back at the apartments the next morning and Jeffrey had gotten up bright and early, ready to shave himself with his electric razor which woke up Vincent (who was sleeping in the same room). Kind of brings back memories of Jeffrey's rant about Angela waking people up, no? What a toolfuck.


At Parsons Paris, The Gunn made the rounds, speaking with the designers about their specific looks. Michael expressed some worry about his time, while The Gunn focused squarely on Kayne's design, which he felt didn't work (for the record, I disgree vehemently with The Gunn on this issue). Kayne continued working on the outfit, realizing that he didn't have time to completely change the look.
Through a lot of boring interview clips we learned that - Laura thought Kayne was going home, Jeffrey pretty much thought everyone but himself was going home, Kayne didn't care what Tim Gunn thought, Vincent hated Laura's outfit, Jeffrey thought Laura's outfit was boring, Vincent thought Michael's outfit was poorly made, etc., etc. It was truly a snorefest, much like last week.
The designers all returned to their hotels, with Laura complaining, left, right and center, about her ankles, her pregnancy and her energy levels. Yawn...I know what she means.
The next day, all the designers worked feverishly to finish their garments in time, while The Gunn entered, letting them know of their timelines. In a montage of reaction shots, we got this one of Laura sewing, but the sign in front of her was quite amusing.


The European models came in and met up with their designers as everyone was putting the finishing touches on their garments. Vincent was having the most trouble which only increased as The Gunn deftly pointed out there was an entire hem to be sewn and they had minutes left. His work completed, The Gunn walked away with a curt "make it work."


Unable to finish, Vincent started glueing what he could, snarkily blowing off Tim's comments on the matter. Unphased, he began yelling at everyone to get their garments on..."Now!"
After whipping them into shape, The Gunn led everyone to an awaiting boat, upon which the party would take place. Vincent was quite excited to be taking a cruise on the "Sane" as he put it, presumably meaning the Seine River. On their way, apparently someone from a nearby apartment building began throwing eggs. Can you really blame them after seeing this rag-tag group of wannabes trapsing down a Parisienne street? I can't. Michael's dress was the only casualty, fortunately. The French bitch from the last episode was waiting on the boat and began spouting off about how difficult a couture gown is to make and how remarkable everyone's progress was.


The models all strutted their stuff as the designers did their best to kiss her ass with the most feverish efficiency possible. Vincent, of course, was the best at bullshitting his way through the entire thing. French lady scored them and then everyone, along with the scores and The Gunn, were whisked back to Parsons New York where they had to refit everyone's outfit. Before The Gunn let them get on with it, however, he yelled out, "You know the drill - MAKE IT WORK!" Niiiice! I only wish he would have been more 'concerned' this season - alas, it was not be, I guess. The only people who had real issues refitting were Kayne and Laura - Kayne, fortunately had decided to use a lace back on his corset so it wasn't a huge deal. Laura, though, had more issues as her collar was completely crushed in transit back from Paris.
Out on the catwalk, The Klum entered and introduced the judges - Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Richard Tyler. On with the show...







The judges targetted Kayne first, saying his design was "very busy." Michael Kors got more to the point and said, "I think your middle name has gotta be 'Too Much'." Yowza! I myself find absolutely nothing wrong with his dress and frankly, think it was one of the better ones.
Vincent was next in the crosshairs with Nina telling him she was "confused" because it appeared the top of the dress was on backwards, or at the very least would look better backwards. Richard Tyler, though, was more put off by Vincent's attempt to resurrect the spirit of Angela...


Michael, too, received some ribbing, most specifically about his neckline, which looked terribly odd. Once he tucked them in, all of the judges agreed that the difference was night and day.
The black wool dress made by Laura was also not that well received. Richard Tyler thought the collar looked lifeless, while Nina said it just looked 'old' (as in out of style). As usual Michael had the best take, saying, "If you shortened it and gave her a duster, she could be a French maid."
The designers were led off the runway as the judges then deliberated. While deliberating, they went over the French Lady's scores, who scored Uli and Jeffrey very highly. To Vincent's dress, she wrote, "No, no, no, no, no."
All 6 designers were then brought back out and Jeffrey was announced as the winner. I must say, he did deserve to win this week, IMHO. Uli's dress was nice, but not couture. In the end, it came down to Laura and Vincent standing on the runway. Thankfully, it was Vincent who was sent home, almost immediately regretting his choice of fleurchamps (sic) on the model's ass. Before leaving, Vincent managed to let us know one more time that he 'got off' by being on Project Runway - fuckin' ew.

Tim G. "Make it work" count = 13
Tim G. "I'm concerned" count = 2