Tips for Retards - 1, 2 and 3
I've decided to come up with a new 'column' with my blog. It's called "Tips for Retards" - now, before anyone who has "Politically Correct" tattooed on their backside gets bent out of shape, I mean 'retards' in reference to idiots and morons, not the mentally handicapped.
I mean, even if I did mean them - what tips can I give them, huh? Not much, lemme tell you.
As they come to me, I am going to add them to a comprehensive list of Tips for Retards.
Tip #1
"If you are entering an elevator and there are people behind you, don't stop in the center of the empty elevator or even the sides near the front - go to the back. Entering an elevator and stopping is the equivalent to getting off an escalator and stopping within 10 ft of the exit, as well as getting off the subway (or on) and stopping within a foot of the door. If you happen to stand in the middle, refrain from giving attitude to people who have to push you out of the way to get on. 'Excuse me' is irrelevant as time is of the essence and...well, you're a retard."
Tip #2
"There is a common rule on Ontario roads that a red light means stop. There is also a common rule that stopping at a red means you can turn right on a red, also. HOWEVER, the stopping portion is VITALLY important. If people are waiting to cross and the white walking man appears in lights, this isn't the equivalent of a green light. You must yield to pedestrians who are crossing the street legally."Tip #3
"If you are in line for a bagel you have ordered at Tim Horton's and there are 2-3 people ahead of you, logic suggests it is highly unlikely that the person making the bagels behind the counter is presently working on YOUR bagel. As such, speaking out about how they're 'making the wrong one' for you is a wholely retarded act by a wholely retarded person."
Categories: Tips_For_Retards,
for this post
Leave a Reply