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The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

"So morbid...a sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished..."
~ General Zod

 

Tips for Retards™ - Tips #34 & 35

To the lovely people who live in my building:

Tips for Retards - Tip #34
Holding the door open for me is greatly appreciated, especially after I've driven from work, am covered in sweat and suffering from light leg syndrome. HOWEVER, once you've opened it for me, let the FUCKING THING GO. I have a BIKE...it weighs about 30 lbs and it's got wide handlebars - to think that you're going to be able to hold the door open while standing in the doorway as I try to push past you with a bike is retarded...and so are you.

In keeping with the dimensions and weight of my bike...

Tips for Retards - Tip #35
When there are four people waiting for the elevator and I have a bike, anyone with brain-one in their head knows that a bike going in first can be turned against the back corner so it literally takes up the width of the pedal assembly. BUT, if you really feel your life will be enriched immeasurably by getting in first, only to have you hit the 3rd Floor button and then hem and fucking haw as I have to remove my bike ENTIRELY from the elevator for your dumb ass to get out...so be it. Retard.


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Anonymous Anonymous Says: 1:24 p.m.  

That (#35) happens all the time with me and my luggage when I come home from work. I even mention that I live on the top floor so let me go in first! Yup never happens!

 

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