The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

Wednesday came and went without incident for me. A little hot, a little sweaty, but no worse for wear. Then I remembered...Project Runway! Read further for the happenings this week:

Episode 3.3 or "Treys" as I like to call it, starts off in the usually insulting manner, giving us 'insight' into Kayne's feelings on his immunity for this week's challenge. Robert and Bradley commenting on Malan leaving, as well as Katherine's views on the subject (if you remember, she pretty much threw him under the bus during the last judging session - but truthfully, he had to go).
Onto the catwalk, with Heidi coming out wearing (thankfully) clothes from Earth this time. She tells the designers they'll be designing a piece 'inspired by one of fashion's hottest accessories.' That's it. That's all Heidi says - save telling them that Tim will give them the details tomorrow morning. So, these assholes got up to go to the catwalk and now you're sending them back home. Ugh. I'd be pissed.
After her cryptic description, Heidi brings out the models to go through the idiotic model nonsense as with every other episode. So Malan's model, who's name escapes me (as if I care), gets eliminated. Big surprise!


The designers returned to their apartments and attempted to surmise what this mystery accessory would be. Cell phones? Shoes? Bags? 6am arrived and letters were shoved through the mail slot in each apartment door, giving them directions to follow - involving walking along Central Park. Laura figured the entire thing had to do with horses somehow (?). Of course, she dresses appropriately in her riding gear. Uli figured they were all going to brunch. I swear - could they find stupider people for this show? I tells ya sometimes and I wants ya ta know. The designers continue to wait and wait and wait until finally, Tim Gunn appears with several pooches on leashes, each one gayer than the last.


Tim tells them that they'll be designing for this year's hottest fashion accessory - LAP DOGS! How lame. I figure they'll have to create an outfit with a matching one for the dog, but the designers are too busy either fawning over the dogs or reviling them, in Laura's case. She actually put the poor thing in her purse so she wouldn't have to touch it. Lovely. I bet she uses rubber gloves when BOTTLE FEEDING her babies! Bitch. The group then heads back to Parson's.
Back at the workroom, Tim tells them that they'll be making an outfit 'inspired by [their dogs].' Ok, so I was close. Then he says it! They have to 'design a complimentary outfit for [their dogs].' NIIICE! I was right! SWEET! They have two days and $100.
The designers all start sketching, with varying degrees of annoyance with their dogs. Laura, of course, is rough with the poor thing, while Alison is truly inspired. Angela, fresh off her wackiness (although somewhat justified) last week, has come up with an entire story around her mutt, involving a head mistress from England working at a school in Paris called "Jubilee Jumbles" - seriously, could I fucking make better shit up than that? I don't think so, kids.
Its off to Mood to buy fabric. Kayne and Robert managed to find some good stuff, but were a bit put off when Laura, Queen of monochromatic anti-style, tells them that they have no taste. WTF?!
Back at the workroom, the designers get to cutting. Katherine is concerned that her design style and taste were not on display at the last challenge, which is fair, so she's stepping it up a notch - or at least she says. Time will tell, but I have a feeling her dress, no matter the design, will land with a thud.
Onto Angela now, who is continuing her insane story about her dog Pattycake and how she needs to use spring colours because Pattycake was born in the spring. WTF? Oh wait, right - the English headmistress is working in Paris at a school called Jubilee Jumbles and its a big birthday party for Pattcake. Alright, that's fine. I'm feeling your vibe...cough. Robert's concept, of a New York socialite who's checked into rehab and needs someone to babysit her dog, is at least PLAUSIBLE, know what I'm saying?
Bradley is pretty lacking in any direction, deciding to change his entire design with only a half hour left for working. Semi-confident in his decision, he and the rest of the designers head back to their respective apartments.
After the break, Jeffrey starts commenting on how everyone has their distinct style but he likes his best - um, hello. Then they cut to Vincent showing him the doggy outfit he's created (no word on the human outfit, which you'd assume would take longer) and Jeffrey laughing uncontrollably (and Vincent, too, at his own jokes, no less).


In the sewing room, someone announces that its Bradley's birthday. People seem to have an inbred sympathy for Bradley, either because its his birthday or because of his crack/cocaine/meth addict look. In any event, no one wants to see him leave this week but his lack of time management is working against him, especially since he's creating an entirely new outfit on the last day from scratch. Keith comments about how no matter what Bradley does, it can't be as horrific as Angela's dress, which he describes as 'a big bag of skittles. Pink, purpley and scary.'
Keith then starts holding court in the sewing room, demanding to know who is on what machine and delivering the query in the most condescending, 'you-are-worthless,' kind of way. Laura then says that she's had a problem with Keith over the past week and 'he's become a major shithead.' Keith, for his part, describes Laura as 'bad mommy' - sassy!
Tim Gunn arrives just in time to comment on people's designs. Katherine is first up and Tim tells her the dress is too simple. Katherine counters, saying that she can whip up a hoodie fast. Tim is excited by this, but being Vulcan, he expresses no emotion and emits a curt 'Katherine...DO IT." Tim moves on to Uli, who he is very impressed by. Alison then tells him about her design and he is equally impressed by her outfit.


Tim goes over to Keith and tells him his dress is beautiful, much to Laura's chagrin. Unfortunately for Keith, he refuses to make a doggy outfit because he thinks it's 'lame.' Good strategy. This arrogant prick is DONE in my book. I really hope the news reports of his demise from the show are true because I will enjoy nothning more than watching him squirm like the slimey snake that he is.
On to Angela, who's design is truly repugnant and Tim beats around the bush momentarily, but then lets her have it, saying the dress is 'over-the-top' and requires more thinking.


Bradley was next on the hitlist and at first, Tim couldn't even find his design. Once pointed to it, he said, without mincing words (heheh...mincing), "I don't get it." Bradley, of course, went into a long explanation of what he was trying to accomplish, to which Tim replied, "If it's not pretty, it doesn't matter." Tim then tells him to redo the shirt and leaves.

Can I get a fucking "Make it work" or a "I'm concerned" PLEASE?!?!??! ARGH!!!

With an hour left, the designers punch it up into high gear, especially Bradley, who now has to start his top over again. Keith tries to help him, but suddenly Bradley is all, "I'm not showing something I'm embarassed to have go down the runway. I'd rather show nothing." Oh! Could we have some real breakdown drama? I doubt it, as he'll likely sleep on it and smarten the fuck up.

AH! The day of the runway show and everyone is up bright and early. After some obligatory "we don't want Bradley to go home" tidbits, its off to the workroom. FUN TIMES!!!


Tim arrives and tells everyone that their models will be arriving in an hour and they'll have two hours to get the models fitted, made-up and ready for the runway.
With a cheery Happy Birthday, Tim heads over to Bradley's table and checks up on his progress from last night. He's pretty much in the same position as before, having an unmade top and absolutely no outfit for his pooch. He could adopt Keith's philosophy of refusing to make one for the dog, but I don't think that will go over too well with Nina Garcia, no? As suspected, Bradley moves like he's on fire and tries to finish his design.
The models arrive and meet with the designers. Bradley's model is a little concerned that she might be going home, but in an interview clip, Bradley says that he's more concious of the fact that he has to get done simply because there's another person involved. Please! The only reason the models get a prize too is because they need a reason for models to come on the show and work for NO PAY. Period. Send the bitch home to get a paying job, I say! As the models head off to hair and make-up, the dogs are released into the workroom.


A few shockers, unfortunately, before the runway show - Katherine abandoned her hoodie idea (MAJOR mistake there, it would have been perfect) and Bradley managed to FINISH his outfit. Granted, it was pinned through the models shoulder blades to ensure that it didn't fall, but who's counting, eh?
After the break, the runway show began. Not before, though, we were introduced to the judges: Heidi (of course), Vera Wang (again), Nina Garcia and Ivanka Trump, who is Vice President of Development at the Trump Organization...yawn. As if that needs comment.
The show began:






And that was that. My personal faves were Alison, Laura, Michael and Uli. I think this is Angela's week to go home...but let's find out for sure, shall we?

Heidi first eliminates the mid-range designers, as per normal. We're left with Katherine, Uli, Keith, Angela, Bradley and Alison. Okay, so I'm 2 for 2, alright? Fuck off.
The models trapse on out to the runway and Uli is first up. Heidi asks what her story was. Uli tells her that she created an outfit for a fearless woman who went out last night and has just gotten up to meet her 'fabulous girlfriends.' Ivanka tells her her story 'just works' - thanks, I think. Heidi talks about the cut, the fit and the patterns, while Vera, being on the ball, is more interested in how they've made a butch dog look feminine. Nina calls the dress 'playful.'
Katherine is up next and is asked to relay her story, which she does, telling of Tullulah having a 'hidden sporty side' that's come out in the design. Heidi lets her have it right off the bat, telling her that the dog's outfit is better than the model's. BURN! Ivanka says its nice, but too simple. Heidi then continues ripping her to shreds, saying 'it's very blah.' Nina asks about the hem and Katherine tells her its the only finish possible with the machines available. Then Nina says, 'I think there's something to be desired in the execution.' Interesting. Although the sentence works, isn't the proper euphamism - it leaves something to be desired? Oh well, she runs Elle so she must be right, huh? Idiot.
Alison started her story, telling of how Pepito (sp?) inspired her to tell the story of a Japanese woman who works in fashion and brings her dog everywhere. Vera is immediately sold but asks if the hairdo is on purpose. Heidi thinks the look as a whole is 'modern' and 'chic.'
Then we have Angela, who Heid immediately can see as being very one-dimensional.


Angela begins and tells of her director of the art school in Paris who is holding a birthday party for Pattycake...


Heidi, intent on seeing Angela burned at the stake (as her countrymen are so fond of), asks her, "How old are these kids?" Now, when she said it, it DRIPPED with sarcasm to my ear, but then again I can usually detect it well. Angela, of course, answers completely sincerely, saying, "6 though 12...?" Heidi then points out that a woman working with kids would most likely not wear a skirt that provides them an unobstructed view of her hey-nanny, midrif and/or titties. Smiling like the automoton she is, Ivanka then added, "It's a little inappropriate." Nina then goes off, saying, "I don't get it, I don't get your explanation about the assistant to the director to the art camp in Paris...I don't even know what to say."


Heidi calls it 'raunchy' while Vera gives her kudos for draping the skirt well, but says she needs 'to focus on styling more.'
Bradley's dog won't stop barking, but he begins his explanation anyway, saying his woman is an 'architect' who 'appreciates simplicity and structure.' Surprisingly, the judges LOVE his outfit and even love the dog's BANDANA - that's right - he made a bandana. Nina even goes so far as to say that she 'could see shooting [it] for Elle.' So, what have we learned? If they tell you HAVE to make an outift, just make a bandana and you'll be in Elle magazine. Jeezly crow.
Keith was up and described his woman as 'modern, sophisticated [and] elegant.' He manages to cut the judge off at the pass, saying her dog is so rare she doesn't want to dress it up. Heidi then says 'the dog has no outfit' and he counters with 'its definitely stylized' but Heidi corrects him and says 'accessorized.' Don't disagree with the Klumstress, you asshole. Nina says the dress is 'fantastic' but she expected more - like a complete dog/human connection, instead of a human holding a dog. Keith then begins shovelling shit like no one in history and says, "I made MANY, MANY outfits for the dog [lie] and I thought about it a long time [another lie]." Ms. Klum asks how they're to judge a non-existant outfit. Keith points out that he does have a collar on. Heidi asks if he made it, to which Keith becomes flustered. Nina chimes in and says, "If you give us a hard time, we're gonna give you a hard time right back." Heidi then asks to examine the collar up close. She determines that he didn't make the collar (duh) and Vera says, "Oh! I thought it was made!" These idiots are too much. Keith then says, "I spent a lot of time on that." If by that you mean the time it took to take money from your pocket and put it on the counter of the dog collar shop, then yeah, I'd agree. Honestly, if this is how this guy operates, I'm not so surprised about his exit from the show (don't click if you don't want it ruined). Heidi finally tells him she finds it difficult to judge something that doesn't exist (funnily enough, God judges and well...he doesn't...nevermind).
The designers then leave the runway and the judges deliberate. I won't go into their comments, but they all hated Angela's outfit and Keith's attitude, but loved Alison's entire look and story. Hmmm...who will win and who will be auf'd?
Out come the designers and the first name called is Uli - the winner and the one designer immune from elimination for the next challenge. Then Alison was called. She leaves and is followed shortly by Bradley, who is also safe. Keith, had he made an outfit for his dog, would have won - or so Heidi says - but he is safe in any event, leaving Angela and Katherine. Before the loser is announced, however, Keith is seen saying "I didn't win. That doesn't make any sense." What a fucking TOOL this asshole is.
Back to Angela and Katherine. After a little dramatic pausing, Heidi finally announces that Angela is in, which means Katherine is out. No surprise here, as Angela is a never ending source of high drama. And her exit, I guarantee you, will be more dramatic than this.

And GET THIS! FINALLY, we get to see the drama I mentioned in my last two PR blogs, next week. NICE! NICE! NICE! The little teaser at the end of the episode makes it pretty clear that the elimination that's coming should be fun, fun, fun!

Ta for now, true believers!

Keith M. "Menswear" count = 2
Tim G. "Make it work" count = 2
Tim G. "I'm concerned" count = 0

Categories: Project_Runway