The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

Appetizer
What does the color dark green make you think of?
A forest...?

Soup
How many cousins do you have?
Five

Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how honest are you?
With certain people, a definite 10. Others, prolly around a 6.

Main Course
Name something that is truly free.
I'll tell you what's NOT free...freedom.

Dessert
Using the letters in the word SPRING, write a sentence.
Sean pulls rants if nobody gushes.

Categories: Friday_Feast

Appetizer
Given the choice, would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

If I had a car, the country for sure.

Soup
Who is the cutest kid you know?

Me.

Salad
Fill in the blank: I couldn’t believe it when I heard ___________.

I couldn't believe it when I heard that that shit really isn't butter.

Main Course
If you could star in a commercial for one of your favorite products, which one would you want to advertise?

Preparation H.

Dessert
What type(s) of vitamins and/or supplements do you take on a regular basis?

Some multivitamin thing, but I wouldn't call my taking of it 'regular' in any way.


Categories: Friday_Feast

Was watching this episode of Roseanne, Season 3, with J a couple weeks back and forgot how good Darlene's recital poem was. No hidden meanings here, I just really love this piece.

To Whom It Concerns

To whom it concerns, Darlene's work will be late,
it fell on her pancakes and stuck to her plate...
To whom it concerns, my mom made me write this,
and I'm just a kid, so how can I fight this...
To whom it concerns, I lost my assignment,
maybe I'll get lucky: solitary confinement...
To whom it concerns, Darlene's great with the ball,
but guys don't watch tomboys when they're cruising the hall...
To whom it concerns, I just turned thirteen,
too short to be quarterback, too plain to be queen...
To whom it concerns, I'm not made of steel,
when I get blindsided my pain is quite real...
I don't mean to squawk, but it really burns...
I just thought I'd mention it, to whom it concerns...

This should be credited to Joss Whedon, who wrote the episode "Brain-Dead Poets Society" in which it appears.

Categories: Miscellaneous

This conversation took place as I was ordering a sub at an unnamed sub chain location - the name rhymes with Blister Flub.

UNDERPAID WORKER - "Would you like cheese, lettuce, tomato with that?"
SEAN - "Just lettuce, please."
UW - "Lettuce and cheese?"
S - "Just lettuce, please."
UW - "No cheese on that?"
S - "Lettuce."

Tips for Retards - Tip #41

If you offer someone three alternatives and they reply, choosing one of those alternatives, your conversation is OVER.

Categories: Tips_For_Retards

Appetizer
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 as highest), how much do you like your own handwriting?
9

Soup
Do you prefer baths or showers?
Showers

Salad
What was the last bad movie you watched?
Cloverfield

Main Course
Name something you are addicted to and describe how it affects your life.
Sleep. It doesn't really affect my life.

Dessert
Which instrument is your favorite to listen to?
A well placed synthesizer.

Categories: TAG

Holy shnikies!

Check out the Incredible Hulk trailer...

...notice any familiar sights?


SWEET.

'nuff said.

Sexy...

Categories: Best_Photo_I've_Seen_Today

This is something I wrote a while ago and subsequently deleted. I've been feeling uncharacteristically good in the last few days and wanted to put it back up. Partially because it's 100% true and partially because I want it out there in the universe...

Life really does give you exactly what you're looking for when you stop looking. As cliche as that sounds (and undeniably IS)...it's so true. And when you think you've got things figured out, it has ways to remind you that you aren't in control; you have to decide whether or not to get into the car, but you're not getting in the driver's seat. It is also a great comfort that after years of shitty road trips with scenery that only seems appealing on the surface, the driver will eventually (god willing) drop you off somewhere truly unexpected and wholly satisfying beyond any measure you imagined possible.

Have a good one.

Categories: Miscellaneous

Appetizer

If you could be any current celebrity for one whole week, who would you want to be?

I don't think I'd want to be anyone. Ok...maybe George Takei. Heehee!

Soup

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how much do you enjoy talking on the phone?

Depends who it's with. Probably a 6. It's a necessary evil, I feel.

Salad

Name a charitable organization to which you have donated (or would like to).

Cancer Society

Main Course

What is a food you like so much you could eat it every single day for a month?

My lasagna

Dessert

Have you or anyone in your family had the flu this year?

Nope and nope.

Categories: Friday_Feast

Appetizer
Have you ever played a practical joke on anyone? If so, what did you do and who was your victim?
Not that I can recall.

Soup
What do your salt and pepper shakers look like?
Salad
Where is the next place you plan to visit (on vacation or business)?
Hmmm...haven't thought about it. Possibly Algonquin Park, NYC, Sudbury...*blech*

Main Course
What kind of lotion or cream do you use to keep your hands from getting too dry?
Glysomed

Dessert
Make up a dessert, tell us its ingredients, and give it a name.
Fuck off, deck.

Categories: TAG

Appetizer
Who was the last person you hugged?
Josh

Soup
Share a beauty or grooming trick or tip with us.
Everyone needs a blackhead remover.

Salad
What does the color yellow make you think of?
Urine.

Main Course
If you were to make your living as a photographer, what subject would your pictures revolve around?
Mud puddles

Dessert
What was the longest book you ever read?
Probably Steven King's IT...maybe a Ludlum epic.

Categories: Friday_Feast

This past week has been crazy for me - some of it amazingly good, some of it heart-breakingly bad. One bit of news I was unaware of was the passing of Emily Perry, better known as Dame Edna Everidge's foil, the long-suffering Madge. Barry Humphries, Dame Edna's alter-ego, wrote a beautiful piece for the The Sunday Times about his long relationship with the aged performer.

Possums, the Madge I knew was a darling with an eye for young men
Emily Perry, the silent foil to Dame Edna Everage, died last week at 101. Barry Humphries reveals her hidden other life

She never even cracked so much as a smile, no matter how hard I tried to make her laugh. “Don’t you even feel a bit like laughing?” I once asked Emily Perry after she’d been playing Madge, loyal friend and former bridesmaid of my character Dame Edna Everage, for several years. “Oh no, dear,” she replied. “I always think of something else.”

When I first met Emily, who died last week aged 101, I realised at once that she was a star. I had decided to create the character Madge Allsop for a Dame Edna series. She would be like Ed McMahon from the Johnny Carson show on America’s NBC channel – the figure at the end of the couch. The trouble was: I didn’t quite know what sort of figure I was looking for.

The first actress who played her was good but camp. Then I saw Emily. She had no idea who I was and had never heard of Dame Edna. But I spotted straight away that she could be very good at doing nothing. Not many people can manage that.

Emily was already 75. In a sense, her career was over. She’d had a little ballet school in Crystal Palace, south London, and had done a lot of theatre in the 1930s and during the war. It seemed she’d always been the bridesmaid, never the blushing bride. But she was perfect as Madge: she never once answered back, or said anything, and she made Dame Edna seem a lot more unpleasant. Come to think of it, there was one occasion when I did make Madge say something. It brought the house down. I only wish I could remember what it was.

The last thing she ever did with me was a couple of years ago, when Edna burst in and found Madge sharing a bed with the rock star Ozzy Osbourne. Emily had no idea who Ozzy was.

She retained a kind of innocence and the audience was always on Madge’s side. In fact, she became hugely popular. Even I, a hard-bitten old comic, got a bit tired of people asking: “How’s Madge?”

Perhaps Madge’s finest hour was the time I got Vivienne Westwood to design her a dress. Usually Emily appeared in the same moth-coloured clothing, looking very pale and drab. But when she came down the staircase in Vivienne’s dress, the audience rose to their feet.

Emily was well read, amusing and good company. We spent a lot of time together, travelling round the world, and I was devoted to her. She had interesting reminiscences about prewar comedies and entertaining troops with ENSA, the wartime entertainment service. She also had an eye for young, sun-tanned men.

When we flew to Los Angeles I was worried about how she would react to such an alien landscape. Then I spotted her by the pool in a pink bathing-suit, holding a glass full of cocktail umbrellas and reading the autobiography of Errol Flynn.

In later years Emily ended up in a horrible nursing home in south London. I visited her once and found her sitting in a line with demented old ladies, watching the television with the sound turned off. I leant over to give her a kiss and she said: “I’m in hell, Barry, hell.”

Eventually I found a place for her at a home for retired theatrical people, where old chorus girls sat around with their hair and make-up done, while old chaps lounged about in houndstooth jackets and cravats. Emily was in the Frankie Vaughan suite. By then her memory was going. The last thing she said to me was: “Darling Barry, we had such wonderful times. If only I could remember them.”

Barry Humphries

Categories: RIP