The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

...huh? Nevermind.

AnyHOO...big update blog this will be so grab some Cheezits and get comfy. Nah, won’t take that long, I don’t think. The beauty of being unblogworthy for so long is that you can PARAPHRASE. Sweet.

The new/semi-old lesbionic roommate is finally gone. Not sure what I’ve written about on the blog since the whole PREVIOUS roommate thing decimated my ability to think about anything else.

In any event, she moved in, said she was staying 10 months, then out of the blue tries to give her notice on the 5th day of the next month. I informed her that a) she was not my ‘tenant’ but my ‘roommate’ and as such, I could not take her notice, b) she had to give notice at the time of paying her rent (in other words, ONLY on the 1st of the month) and c) the Management Co. was her landlord, not me, so she had to speak to them. Long story short, the bitch thought she had me over a barrel and could screw me, but was sorely disappointed when her ‘lawyer friends’ informed her that she was talking out of her ass and would indeed have to pay rent for an ‘extra’ month because she gave her notice incorrectly. Hahaha...haha.ha...ugh.

Obviously with no one else to blame, her lesbomatic laser lock focused on yours truly. Oh well. I’ve been the victim of rug-munching anger-non-management before and to be honest, they’re pretty easy to argue with when you realize they have ‘sex’ by RUBBING each others bathing suit parts. Freaks!

She claimed she ‘didn’t want anything to get weird’ and then proceeded to slam every door in sight, including the front door to the apartment, her bedroom door, the bathroom door, her closet door, etc. Yeah, not weird in the slightest. Then when I told her off for slamming the door one night – purely because we live in an APARTMENT BUILDING with OTHER PEOPLE and she was causing seismic waves to radiate through the floor.

Small digression here – all this door slamming from the girl who never allowed me to listen to a movie at a NORMAL volume level. EVERYTHING was too loud. And seriously, one time I was listening to headphones and she came out of her room and I asked, “Sorry, is it too loud?” Being a brain-dead fucktard, she of course answered, “No.” Way to get the joke.

Speaking of jokes and lesbotronics, what do you call two lesbians on their period? Finger painting. Disgusting I know, but hilarious and oh so true. I must credit the divine Judy Tenuta with that one.

Back to my point. I told her off for slamming the door and then suddenly the door slamming stopped. But, then the ‘silent treatment’ began. This new weapon was wielded with great force and accuracy – although it should be noted that as a lesbomat who only hung out in her room, she really just had one opportunity for unloading this cutting, effective and all around destructive device on me – when she walked in the door.

She’d open the door, walk in, I’d say, “Hey” and she would say – get this – NOTHING. Then she would walk to her room and close the door. This was repeated several times over several days to great effect. I don’t think a greater debacle has been witnessed since the rushing of Normandy. If only the Nazis had thought of this – they might have won.

I managed, against great odds, to overcome this barrage of silence and lived through it all. She finally left last weekend, but has decided that my apartment is now her ‘home away from shit’ and also her receptacle for keeping CRAP. There are a few items still occupying the apartment to the point of annoyance. She said she would be coming back for it, but the bitch seriously just lives across the street now so I don’t get the issue. I looked at the junk last night and realized that it was all pretty shitty stuff and some food. I dunno if she’s ever coming back for it or if she’s going to give me a cheque for the utilities she owes, etc.

At least I don’t have to worry about the volume level anymore. Or having lesbocentric moments in the bathroom while I have a party of 6 people over (I swear, she did this – just ask G).

Enough about that cunty mess, lets move on to fun stuff.

I’m quite excited for the move to the new place! Even though I’ll be poor for the first two weeks of every month, I will be living ALONE, technically for the first time. I’ve lived alone after the drunk left but only because of timing. I’ll also be living alone for May but she could turn up at any moment. The new place will be MINE! ALL MINE!

The movers came and inspected and everything is a go. Yay! That’s all for now. Nothing else exciting to report.

Toodles and good day.

S.

Categories: lesbian, roommate, drama, apartment, moving