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The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

"So morbid...a sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished..."
~ General Zod

 

NERD ALERT...

...shields up!


So it was just announced (or at least I just read it, I can never tell which) that GI Joe and The Smurfs will be hitting the big screen sometime in the future. The two films will likely continue a long line of mediocre theatrical versions of classic children's television shows (like Masters of the Universe (He-Man) - 1987).


Part of me is quite excited that they're finally putting GI Joe up on the big screen with (presumably) live actors. Ever since first viewing GI Joe - The Movie, I have always thought GI Joe would make a fun film (probably not a ground breaking one). I'm one of those weirdos that actually likes GI Joe - The Movie with all of it's "Cobra-La-la-la-la-la-la" and "THIS I COMMAND!" I also loved that they turned that sniveling whiner, Cobra Commander, into a snake (although he was promptly returned to human form once the series was taken over by DiC, by the Baroness). I fear, however, that it will be a hollow "reimagining" along the lines of several TV to film adaptations of late.
Also mentioned was the Smurfs, as I said. Seriously...why? Why not make the Snorks? The Popples? How's about the Gummi Bears?! Ugh.
Thundercats has been bandied around for years and I have to hope that this NEVER happens. Part of the charm and appeal of the original Thundercats show was the quality of animation, the voice actors, everything...having a new cast with new animation (or *gasp* live action) is just gonna blow.
Thankfully the Dallas movie that's been long rumoured to be in pre-production has been stalled at every possible opportunity.

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The Doucheblock

(a) douche [doosh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, douched, douch·ing. –noun
  1. a jet or current of water, sometimes with a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, applied to a body part, organ, or cavity for medicinal or hygienic purposes.
  2. the application of such a jet.
  3. a tool-fuck of monumental proportions

(b) douche-block [doosh-blok] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, douch-blocked, douch-blocking. –noun
  1. being blocked from completing an activity in due course based solely on the preventative actions (conscious or subconscious) of a douche (a). [see below]
The Doucheblock

You are attending a perfectly lovely event populated with moderately interesting people. You have a plan for exit that encapsulates everyone's best interests and is nothing short of completely considerate to all parties. Seconds before initiating your exit plan from said event, a douche crashes into your personal space and accidentally does something catastrophic (spills a drink, pushes you over, etc.). Before you realize it, you have been doucheblocked. Unfortunately, the only possible recovery from a doucheblock is to sit out the disruptive waves caused by the invading douche and leave at a more appropriate moment (ie, 20-30 minutes after the fact) so as to not appear to be reacting to the douche. Douches are like bears in this situation - reacting to them (regardless of the immediate effect their actions have on you) is a bad idea.
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Mary Murphy Wake-Up Call



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Friday Feast #153

Appetizer

Describe a toy you remember from your childhood.
Castle Greyskull, bitches! It was badass, but did absolutely nothing save make some cheesy noises and lower it's drawbridge when you hit this little lever. Thing was horribly off scale, too, compared with the He-Man figurines...


Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest) how observant are you?
9.5

Salad
Where would you rather be at this very moment?
At home, napping.

Main Course
When was the last time you learned something new?
Last night I learned that sometimes Jamaican hot sauce really is too hot.

Dessert
Fill in the blank: I have ____________ but I haven’t ____________.
I have no idea why I put these things on here but I haven’t got the balls to stop posting them...

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My Personality...

A friend of mine had this on their blog...quite interesting results, methinks.

Click to view my Personality Profile page

 
 

Twittering the Night Away...

You'll be dismayed to note that I have buckled to complete and utter interweb insanity and joined the Twitter 'Revolution.' FUN TIMES! You can find the Twitter Feed on the left hand side somewhere. Make sure to bookmark it because I'm well aware of level of obsession I illicit in the general populace.

I've downloaded an app for my mobile phone that will allow me to inundate you with pointless and useless updates in reference to my 'life.'

ENJOY!


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Tips for Retards™ - Tips #28, #29, #30, #31 and #32

Seriously, the idiocy keeps occurring despite my efforts to enlight the 'tards. *sigh* Onward we go...

Tips for Retards #28
To the cunty woman in my building's elevator...Don't give me attitude when I catch you trying to close the door on me and call you on it.


Tips for Retards #29
To the crotchety old douchebag I rode with recently on the elevator...the elevator doors open on their own when you reach your floor - you don't actually have to push "Door Open." That's not the intended purpose of the button...it's actually there to do the opposite of what happened to me in #28 above...


Tips for Retards #30
To moronic pedestrians who think my bicycle comes equipped with a cloaking device...when you look both ways to cross the street and see me coming...I'm actually NOT invisible and could possibly (see: probably) kill you should you be stupid enough to walk in front of my oncoming bike. It's kind of like a VEHICLE that way...


Tips for Retards #31
To everyone in my building...if we're waiting for the elevator together and I have my bike and you know you live on the second floor, it might be a spiffy idea for you to let me (who lives on a floor ranging from 20-30) get on first with my bike. I know it's a real rush to be the first 65 year old on the elevator, but aside from your personal aggrandisment, it serves no logical purpose.


Tips for Retards #32
To Evil Dick on Big Brother 8...please get someone who is literate to look up and read to you the definition of the word "humility."


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Pediphilious Repellous! THWACK!

WARNING: Stream of conciousness ahead...

Greetings accidental readers.

Yes, it's been a while since I posted anything...and even longer since I posted anything of substance. You don't care and I don't care, so let's move on shall we?

Haven't really been in the mood to post since things took a nosedive back in April, but I've been steadily and increasingly positive about the whole experience and life in general.

School is looking up, although I procrastinated to the point that I had to purchase an extension from my instructor (if only we had those in highschool...I actually did, but it wasn't called 'an extension' it was called 'a knob gobble', but I digress...). I'm the world's great procrastintor with perhaps the exception of God himself who seems hell bent on sitting back and watching his glorious creation ass-fuck itself to death. Frankly, I just don't have that kind of time. It's true, though that I can procrastinate like no one else (all powerful deities excepted, of course). In Grade 11 or 12, I was the editor of the school newspaper. The teacher in charge of it had absolute confidence in my abilities, but failed to realize that if it doesn't count for credit, I'm likely going to pretend it doesn't exist. To the student body we delivered a total of zero papers. It was the least nerdy year of highschool for me, actually... In any event, I think school is back on track.

The apartment is spectacular...well, to a lesser degree, at least. I purchased a barbecue a month or so ago and I've been using more often than the toilet, which is actually quite a feat when you think about it.

Speaking of the apartment, fate and some random luck allowed me to meet up with an upstairs neighbour who is about as cool as anyone I can think of, save that handsome devil in the mirror. Seriously, though, at a time when I thought everyone was a waste of space, I managed to form a really cool friendship which has led to loads of steaks on various balconies and loads of PS3 playing...not to mention some enlightening and much needed conversation. :)

Planning on saving up for the rest of the summer so I can purchase skiing equipment in time for this winter. I really miss the high and sensation that only skiing can provide. Since I bought a bike a few months ago, I've been riding it everywhere...getting back into shape and more active. Skiing at Moonstone is something I've wanted to do since I was a teenager...which was a while ago, sadly. lol

Orko is alive and well, although with the increased space, he seems less and less tolerant of my presence when the mood hits him. He also has acquired a never ending desire to have his belly rubbed by yours truly, which really isn't so bad, I guess.

What else...? Nothing much that I care to write about on here, I suppose.

OH! I shaved all my hair off and grew a beard. I don't look unlike this fellow below...


There was no reason for shaving the head save the fact that I was getting sick and tired of taking 20 minutes to do my hair...and having it look like I spent 20 minutes polishing a turd. And the beard was really by accident, when I took a weeks holidays in June, I never shaved...and then decided to keep it. I was kind of shocked at the number of compliments I got...not to mention the number of friends who didn't recognize me. Eek!

What else...got a new TV back in April. I know it's a long time ago, but the thing is friggin' bad ass and you're jealous - don't even both processing the thought...you just are.

Shirley Bassey just released a new album. Seriously, this woman...words can't even express...



That's all for now. Tips for Retards will be returning shortly. I've stocked up on a few...


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