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The FORTRESS of SOLITUDE

"So morbid...a sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished..."
~ General Zod

 

...and knowing is half the battle.

Some information that everyone needs to know:

































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zpqwa

I was leaving a comment on my bud Ian's blog this morning and the 'word verification' thing that comes up made me giggle...

Dawn - "Contestant! You have 30 seconds to make a seven letter word from these five letters! GO! Dunka-dunka-dunk, dunka-dunka-dunk, doo-doo, doo-doo, boo-doo-bee-dop-booo!"

Jennifer - "Zpqwa?"

Sorry, slightly inside joke there.

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Oh our pretty Chitty Bang Bang...

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you
And our pretty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Loves us too
High, low, everywhere we go
On Chitty Chitty we depend
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend

You're sleek as a thoroughbread
Your seats are a feathered bed
You'll turn everybody's head today!


As a few of my close friends are doubtless aware, I've been toying with idea of joining Zipcar lately. I had to research the company and the idea and the rates before making a final decision. It took a little while, but on Monday, I finally decided to take the plunge into car sharing!

Just a few hours ago, I got my confirmation email: I've been approved! Schweet!

So I'll be puttering around the city, probably a couple times a month or less, in a fun little Zipcar.

Yay!

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Tips For Retards™ - Tip No. 22

In grocery stores, when you see a check-out aisle that has a large sign that states in plain block letters, "Express Lane - 1 to 16 items," you should probably keep walking if you can't see the bottom of your shopping cart.

Swear to god, I saw someone with 50+ items in the "1 to 16" line today. Idiots.

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The Slipcover...FINALLY

So I got off my ass this weekend and bought the extra material I needed to finish off my long running slipcover project. Looks pretty damn fine, if you ignore all the threads that need cut off (I'll do that now). Ta!

Click on the pic to see more!

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Project Assholery 3.7

Wow. This week's Project Runway played as if the producers had taken everything negative in the previous 6 episodes and ramped it up past 'not very nice,' screeching towards 'hellishly sadistic.' An enjoyable episode, no doubt, but god DAMN some of these designers (one in particular) are total, complete and utter assholes. Like seriously, Admiral Asshole of the United Federation of Assholery.


"Asshole, sir. Major Asshole."


Let's get started.

Episode 3.7 began with Jeffrey bemoaning the fact that picture perfect Alison was eliminated last week. Boo-fucking-hoo, I say. I do agree, however, that Vincent should have been eliminated, but that's the way it goes down, and as we know, every episode has this little disclaimer at the end:

"The judges considered both their scores and input from the Producers and Bravo in reaching their elimination decisions."

In other words, their designs have little to no relevance. Same reason Santino was kept in for so long, because he made good TV, not good clothes - remember that lingerie challenge? Sweet Jesus on a stick.


Anyhoo, Jeffrey goes on about how her leaving was a 'huge blow' coz Alison was his 'best friend.' Huh? I never got that impression myself, but who am I? Just a viewer, that's who. Then came the kicker we were all waiting for and no less than 1.5 minutes into the episode. The sentence started off with "I don't want to harp on Angela... (I doubt that) ...but (told ya) the truth of the matter is, Angela should have been up on that stage being grilled and in the bottom three." Get the hell over it, man. God, he's annoyingly obsessed.
We were thankfully then saved from any further Jeffrey Douchebaggery and whisked over to Robert and Michael's apartment, where the two were just leaving. Michael began talking about how he was "the first double winner of Season 3" and how "amazed" he is about it. Good for him, I say.
On the runway, Heidi appeared, wearing a thankfully tasteful little jean and tank top number, although the bedazzler neckline made me wanna puke.

"Ficken Sie ab!"

The Klum then revealed their challenge this week: designing an outfit for the everyday woman. She then explained that there would be more later, but first, the models came out.


That's right, the models were the designers mothers, or in some cases, their sisters. Vincent and Robert's sisters were there, while the rest of the designers mothers populated the runway. Everyone had a look of shock on their face as they realized these were the people they'd be designing for. Laura began crying at the sight of her mother, while Jeffrey pointed out to everyone, "That's my mom, there."
"I thought she'd have a mohawk," Laura replied.

"Oh, but I do..."

The ladies all introduced themselves and they were pretty much as expected. The Klum then said the designers all had to choose one of the ladies to design for but they couldn't choose their own relative. Michael chose first because he won in 3.6 and landed Teresa, Robert's sister. The choices continued as follows:

Michael - Teresa, Robert's sister
Laura - Pam, Jeffrey's mother
Angela - Lorraine, Laura's mother
Vincent - Heidi, Uli's mother
Uli - Judy, Kayne's mother
Robert - Patricia, Vincent's sister
Kayne - Pamela, Michael's mother

and because there were no other mother's left,

Jeffrey - Darlene, Angela's mother

...we all know where this is going, don't we? Continuing on...

The Klum informed everyone that Tim Gunn would be giving them more information in the workroom and then trotted the women off the stage.
Over at the workroom, the women and their relatives were reunited for some short one-on-one moments, which was a nice touch. Uli hadn't seen her mother in a year, so it was an emotional reunion, while Michael's mother was very interested in his winning designs. Tim Gunn then entered the room and told everyone that they'd be attending a special event being put on by this week's guest judge. Who EVER could it be?!?
Everyone, the designers and the ladies, were carted off to Tavern on the Green where they met none other than Michael Kors and his lovely mother (colour me disappointed, people).

Men In Black III

Michael Kors mother, Joan, welcomed everyone to TOTG and sounded like she'd just run out of Virginia Slims and was only doing this for cash to buy more. She also said that she was going to be the celebrity judge this week - could be interesting, no doubt about it. Designer Michael, not Mr. Kors, then said that he could tell Mr. Kors was a mamma's boy like him. No comment, thank you.
The Kors then popped a champagne bottle and everyone settled down for some good home reminiscing and we all know what that means...embarassing childhood photos!!!

Let's have fun, shall we? Guess who these are:




Ew...and a half. As Jeffrey's mother pulled out his photos, she was shown in an interview clip talking about how he's gone through a lot in his life, how he's a recovering alcoholic and how she's so gosh darn proud of everything he's done. She also should have mentioned how he's a functioning asshole, since clearly he suffers from that a great deal. It was really put in there to garner some false sympathy for the idiot as he's so entirely and completely unlikeable on the show. No dice from this viewer, Bravo!
Thankfully we cut away to Laura and her mother conversing with The Kors. Laura lets slip that she's pregnant, which seems very misplaced and frankly...how do you 'just let it slip' anyway? Her mother flipped out, though, which was the real moment of glory.

"She seriously puts rosettes on everything...??"

Turns out that Laura only learned of her pregnancy while she was on the show, and as such, couldn't tell anyone in her family. The Gunn then called on everyone to gather and return back to Parsons. After saying farewell to The Kors, The Gunn led them off to The Workroom.
Back at the school, The Gunn explained the challenge in a little more detail:

"Designers, as Heidi said, you are creating a look for the everyday woman. This is a look that should fit the day to day of your new client. At the same time, it should be fashion-forward and reflect who you are as a designer. You will have 30 minutes to meet with your client and go over design ideas, and you'll have one day to complete this look."

Everyone groaned at the last bit but were quite relieved when The Gunn added his trademark, "Make it work," knowing he wouldn't let them down.

Tim G. "Make it work" count = 8 9

Gathering in their groups, the designers and clients went through their ideas. Robert was the first one to take the plunge, complaining that designing with 'normal' women is a bit odd for these people who are used to perfect stick figures. Tough, I say. He and Vincent's sister decided to go with a kimono idea. Angela and Laura's mom thought of doing a Hepburn-like outfit and Lorraine added, "I'm open to anything you think is good." She then added that she "would like Laura to win, but [...] certainly wouldn't do anything to hinder Angela from winning." Good attitude - sadly, I don't think that's going to be the norm with these ladies. Pamela, Michael's mom, was paired with Kayne and he told her that he didn't want to make something that looked "like you could totally go out and buy it," which she seemed very receptive to. Kayne then went on to explain that he chose Pamela because "she had the brightest outfit on on stage and she had rhinestones on her shoes." He also relayed his experience as an overweight person and the unfortunate fact that very little clothing made for people of that size looks stylish or even good.

"Jeeves - no time for cocktails!"

On to Vincent, who felt like Heidi, Uli's mother, had "a European-air about her and [was] a stylish woman." Together, they chose to go with a simple, sexy black & tan dress. Vincent also pointed out that he "didn't speak German at all but [Heidi] knows well enough what [he's] trying to get across." Over to Laura who was measuring up her client, Jeffrey's mom, Pam and complimented her on her trim waist, which, according to Laura, is as small or smaller than some of the models they get in there. Cha-right...moving on...
Laura had designed a cruise-ship type outfit for Pam in seafoam green and cobalt blue. Sweet. As we panned over to the table behind them, Laura mused, "I wonder what Jeff's designing [that's](sic) so elaborate over there."
"I just hope he keeps her in mind," Pam added.

This is actually the amount of time
that Jeff was willing to be in the presence
of Angela's mother without displacing
his completely groundless hatred of her
daughter onto poor Darlene.

As Jeffrey was measuring her up, Darlene, Angela's mom, talked about how her dress sense was "very traditional" and the designer that she had "stands out in a crowd" so "[they] are the challenge." In a very polite and sweet way, Darlene explained her insecurity about her size and how Jeffrey's idea of a long dress, wouldn't really make her comfortable. She also pointed out that she wanted a "deep green or deep purple." Jeffrey assured her that "we're gonna choose some darker colours." In an interview clip, Jeff was shown saying, "This is so far out of my realm - designing a dress for a woman this size. I just don't do it. I haven't done it." Back in the workroom, Angela's mom said that she liked the idea of "a real striking jacket," but after a nanosecond of analysis, Jeffrey came back with, "I don't like it. I don't like that idea." To his credit, he went on to explain that in ONE day he didn't want to tailor a jacket, which Darlene seemed amenable to. Jeff also elaborated in his interview clip that despite her "saying she liked wearing jackets, [he] said, "[...] [He's] not going to get into something that [he] can't make really nicely in the time that [he has]."

"I guess CLIENT = SILENT PARTNER, eh?"

Angela's mother, who was as nice as could be, then said, "So what else are you thinking of?" Seriously, the poor woman had clearly resigned herself to the fact that he was entirely disinterested in anything she had to say and would sew together whatever the fuck he wanted to. He couldn't come up with an answer, though.
"I just feel bad, you know? I feel like I want to cry because I feel like I'm limiting you," Darlene told him. For the record, I love Angela's mom. Just because she had the balls to say that in the face of such condescention and resistance from a douchebag designer with a chip on his shoulder.
Back from the break and the designers all headed to Mood to pick their fabrics. Robert had apparently asked Vincent's sister what her favourite colours were and she told him red & black. "I was like, oh god, here I go again with boring colours," he mused. Thing is...the colours MIGHT be boring, but you're a DESIGNER. If it ends up be boring, I bet its about 5% to do with the colours and 95% to do with your BORING designs. Moving on. Uli picked a lovely print for Kayne's mother's outfit while Jeffrey considered Darlene's colour suggestions. Upon seeing the dark greens they had, he chose to pick a perriwinkle, which he described as "perfect." Yes...perriwinkle = dark green, yes....yes. After the purchases, it was back to Parsons.
They began cutting their patterns when they arrived back at the workroom and Laura talked about how "there's some really stumped designers in that room, especially the designers with the larger women who've never done anything like this before have no idea how to depart from the basic mumu dress with the little jacket on top."
"The way its probably going to end up looking, I'm probably going to go home," the ever positive and non-arrogant Jeffrey added. Robert was confused by the porportion of a 'normal' body, as was Jeff. Vincent, oddly, proved to hit the nail most directly on the head:

"People felt uncomfortable with this challenge because they like to dress beautiful, lean models who have perfect 25 inch waists. You have to be able to compensate and deliver to real women because those are the people that wear your clothes."

Brilliantly put. Michael then began describing his idea as "a really sexy, shirt dress and then I got the idea to make a reversible dress - I thought that would be great for the everyday woman."

"You will never be good enough. Never."

A few hours later and the Gunn entered the room, telling the designers that their "models [were] eager to check in on their progress." He sent them in and they paired up with the designers once again. Kayne pulled out his print fabric that he bought and Michael's mother was very impressed, as was Judy, Kayne's mother, with Uli's choice of fabric. Vincent said that Heidi, Uli's mother, totally understood what he was trying to do which of course, was immediately followed by a clip of her saying, "I don't understand anything." Lorraine, Laura's mother, was a little concerned about Angela's fabric colours, but Angela rolled with it and immediately discarded what Lorraine didn't like. She also pointed out that she thought that "maybe [she] might have intimidated Angela just a little bit because when it comes to the clothes and the type [she] likes, [she does] have strong opinions."
The Gunn then headed to Jeffrey's table, where Darlene was standing doing nothing and Jeff was nowhere to be seen. He asked Angela's mom, "What's he doing for you?"
"Well, this is going to be my dress - it's going to be a long dress," she answered.
"And are you happy with this?"
"Well, um, you know, I'm just concerned that the colours are matronly and I try to avoid that. And I have never worn blue, I've never worn powder blue, so it's like a shock to me."
"Alright...did you tell him you're disappointed in the colour?"
"No, he doesn't know," she said with a look of worry on her face. (Fact is, he DID know, he knew exactly what she wanted and CHOSE to not get it and go with something COMPLETELY different.)
"So this is not where you were expecting it to go, clearly..." The Gunn continued, as Jeffrey approached in the background.
"No," she said, "No." At this point, Jeffrey arrived, surprised that The Gunn was already at his station. Tim explained that he simply took the opportunity to speak to Darlene without him being there.
"And what did Darlene have to say," Jeff asked, with a hint of patronization.
"She's a little ambivalent about the colour," The Gunn explained. Jeffrey went on to tell Tim that Darlene asked for a dark purple, which they were going to use and that the dark green didn't look good so he chose something else. He went on to complain about the fact that "half the time is gone and Angela's mother started telling Tim that she doesn't like the dress that I'm making." First of all - a) she didn't say that, she said she was 'shocked' at the colour, Tim used the term 'ambivalent' and b) she hates the dress but said nothing about it to Tim, Jeff was just surmising this based on the fact that he totally and purposely blew off her ideas in favour of his own. "She was just completely setting me up," Jeff melodramatically yelled in his interview clip. Sorry...how is she 'setting you up' exactly?? This dude seriously has lost his mind.
They then cut to a clip of Jeff speaking at Angela's mother (not speaking to, mind you) in which he said, "I'm gonna make the dress I'm gonna make - I hope you like it. If you don't like it, there's not a thing I can do about that - I only hope the judges like it." What a fucking uber-prick!

"Sorry, what's your opinion again?
Oh - right...FUCK OFF."

Darlene, clearly hurt by his comments (let alone the rude manner in which they were thrown at her), replied by asking, "If it's not what I expected, why am I being treated like this?" And she was right - she only said she was surprised by the colours at this point - need I remind you of the only thing she said ("I'm just concerned that the colours are matronly").
Jeff, being the mature and personable individual we've come to love, shoots back, "I don't even appreciate you standing here right now."
"Do you talk to everybody like this?" Darlene asked, appalled.
"How am I treating you? You explain to me how I'm treating you," he sardonically asked back, "I'm just being honest." (By the way, I love this one - you can insult anyone and be as rude as you like as long as it's 'honest' - the fact that 'honesty' is a subjective term and means different things to do different people doesn't much matter, I guess. Problem is, the thing you should say is "I'm just being tactless" because no matter how honest you are, calling an idiot stupid isn't tactful or clever.)
"Jeffrey, when I was asked my opinion - if you were standing right there I would have said the exact same thing," Darlene explained. And it's true - Jeff didn't give two flying fucks about this poor woman's opinion, he'd written her off the second she introduced herself as Angela's mother. Period. "You know when I walked in here, I couldn't get excited. You have great ideas, you're so talented, but I know what works for me."
"Maybe other people find things about you that are beautiful that you don't find in yourself because of your insecurities," he countered (I think by calling her insecure, he was trying to compliment her, but I could be wrong), "What do you think about that?"
"I think if you have your own taste in clothes, it doesn't mean you're insecure."
"Excuse me," he said and walked way. What a lovely guy. "I just let her know that I didn't appreciate it - you put me in a really horrible position (you did that yourself) and I don't want to talk to you, I've got work to do." Project Assholerly INDEED!

"I shall summon all the power of
Lisa Loeb to destroy you!"

In the sewing room, Jeff was STILL yammering on about it, but clearly his true emotions came out this time as he said, "That crazy bitch is in there telling Tim she didn't like the colours. It's very appropos - I don't get along with her daughter, why should I get along with her?"
In the lunchroom (again!), Angela was sitting talking to her clearly distraught mother. Darlene explained that she was "really upset and [she was] really insulted." Angela tried to ease the pain by explaining that this behaviour and M.O. was nothing new. When recalling the hatred in his voice, Darlene began crying and Angela rubbed her back in support, saying, "It's ok."
"I know this is really hard for my mom and to see her upset is just the absolute worst thing that could have happened and [big clunky edit here] I just felt like, 'You ass.' It's Jeffrey - he's the ass; not me and not my mom."
Vincent came past Jeffrey's workstation and muttered, "The mother's crying."
"She's crying," Jeffrey condescendingly inquired.
"You broke her down. What can I tell ya?"
"I'm just honest with her - why should I be nice? You're not being nice." FUCK YOU, you arrogant mother fucker. God, I hate him more with each passing frame.
Vincent seemed to agree, saying, "Jeff is still cry-babying about Angela's mother. What's happening is you're seeing Jeff's true colours."

"Bitch, why you cryin'? My little Jeffy
better not lose because o' yo fat ass!"

Pam, Jeff's mother (and the most impartial person in the room, clearly), came over to comfort Darlene and hopefully provide some explanation as to how she managed to become impregnated by a jackel. She explained that Jeffrey was "very emotional (what?) and especially when it comes to his stuff."
"He didn't want me near his table!" Darlene told her.
"He's just under a lot of stress," (Yep, I'm sure that's what Klara Hitler kept telling the neighbours, too) Pam spun his idiotic behaviour quite nicely, adding, "This means a lot to him. Let's just try to go forward for your sake, for Jeff's sake. Hopefully everything will be better tomorrow."

"This bitch is worse than he is, for christ's sake."

Then Pam headed back to the workroom where she met up with Jeff and hugged him. He asked how it went (obviously he told her to go in there and smooth things over) and she started crying, too, saying, "It's going to be okay."
Jeff added, "It breaks my heart because my mom can't believe I was a junkee, living on the streets and suicidal and turned my life around. I think my mom would think it was a terrible, terrible waste not to see Project Runway through to the end." So...because you were a junkee you're excused from being an asshole? I see. Interesting theory.

Back from the break and Angela and Jeff conveniently found themselves sewing next to each other in the sewing room. In an interview clip, Angela reiterated what an ass Jeffrey was to her mother and how upset it made her. "I don't know all happened," Angela began in the sewing room.
"She was going out of her way to make me look bad and embarass me, so," Jeffrey cut her off.
"I doubt that."
"I'm just not gonna stand for it." WTF kind of DELUSIONAL PRICK is this guy?! Holy shit.
"I really just...don't know to say," Angela concluded.
"She's an unhappy customer, that's all."
"She's also my mom."

Cutting away from the drama, we were then treated a sneak peak at Kayne's outfit for Michael's mother - a poncho and pants. All the designers were working hurriedly, but Uli took a moment to look at Michael's outfit and informed him that he was going to win three challenges in a row. Way to jinx it, you Tutonic bitch. So now we know Michael isn't winning. Scratch him off the list.

Ah shit - we then cut back to Jeffrey's little world where he started blathering on about how he did such a great job, so much better than everyone else who just cut big holes in material and called it a 'poncho' - but, I think you'll find everyone else's clients might be RECURRING customers, you tool. As he made his poncho comment, we cut to Robert's design which was 'meh' with a capital 'yawn.' I sense danger on the horizon here. Of his design, Robert said, "I didn't love it, but it looked good." This is the same guy who called his own work dreadful last week...tsk, tsk, tsk.
The designers returned to their apartments at the end of the day and Uli immediately cracked open a bottle of wine. NICE! We got some more comments on Laura's pregnancy which got boring REAL fast. She did have a funny comment though, about throwing her new kid on the pile with the old ones.

"Someone find me a precarious staircase, please!"

The day of the runway show arrived and Michael said he was anxious for it because he can imagine what the women would look like playing to the camera. The Gunn entered the workroom and he explained that they only had an hour and half until the runway show and sent in the models. Jeffrey handed Darlene her outfit and told her to change behind a nearby screen, then walked away before she had a chance to say anything. Angela was nearby and followed her behind the screen and told her to basically be honest on the runway about the outfit. Her exact quote was "If the judges ask you on the runway how you feel about it, just say how you feel - you have the right to be honest." As Darlene thanked her for 'her help,' they came out with Darlene in Jeffrey's outfit.

"I feel so beautiful."

Jeffrey led her over to do a more precise fitting and an interview clip of him came up, saying, "If I happen to go out of the game behind this challenge, I can actually kind of feel good about it because its nothing I could have ever prepared for." Yes, treating people like human beings is a bit tricky at times. Problem is, Jeffrey is a purely celebrity designer - he's designed for Madonna, among others, so I'm sure he sees even being with these other designers as 'beneath him.' Thing is, why is he on this show if he's so scary talented? And why has he never won a challenge if he's so scary talented...and why has he been in the bottom three so often? TELL ME THAT, MAN!
The models then headed to hair and make-up which was quite fun because it was a bunch of moms and sisters just getting made over. Good times.
Back at the workroom, Laura, her mother Lorraine and Angela looked at Angela's outfit for Lorraine. In an interview clip, Laura commented, "Angela's work is very inconsistent - you never know what she's gonna come up with. The main pieces of the garment were way too basic and the styling of the garment was way too ecclectic, but not in a good way." The Gunn then entered and commanded everyone to the runway.

Back from the break and The Klum strutted out onto the runway looking very nice in a black, off-the-shoulder number. She reminded them that the challenge this week was to create an outfit for the everyday woman. She also told them that there would be no immunity for this challenge's winner (good!). The judges were introduced - Michael Kors, Nina Garcia. and Joan Kors, Michael's mother we met earlier, who still sounds like her throat is coated in lung butter. With that, the show began:

Laura - Pam, Jeffrey's mother

Uli - Judy, Kayne's mother

Vincent - Heidi, Uli's mother

Kayne - Pamela, Michael's mother

Angela - Lorraine, Laura's mother

Robert - Patricia, Vincent's sister

Michael - Teresa, Robert's sister

Jeffrey - Darlene, Angela's mother

And that was that. The judges tallied their scores and split the group into two: Michael, Kayne, Vincent, Uli and Robert were first, while Angela, Laura and Jeffrey were sent off (this was because it was the only way to split the group into two so that no relative was onstage without their related designer).
The first group's models then came out and the questions began. The Klum chose Michael to begin with and he explained that Teresa, Robert's sister, had an office job, so the idea of a reversible dress came to him. The Klum then stated that because the dress is reversible, it's a lot better than they originally had thought. "I think the top with the neckline and the sleeves is lovely," added Joan while her son thought, "The concept of the shirt dress: supersmart. I think the belt is matronly, but I think the idea is great."
Uli was second, who explained that she designed for Kayne's mother. Michael Kors began the commentary and said, "What's so great about this is that it's understated and chic at the same time." He also added, "The fabric is hanging well - plus sizes look better in clothes that have some drape and some hang." Nina asked Judy if she would actually wear the outfit, to which she said, "I would wear it when I got out to eat or something like that with my husband." "I love this outfit," Joan added, "I thought this was really flattering." The Garcia then pointed out that it actually looked like something Uli would make, but tailored to Judy's taste and needs.

"But she sucks, I do NOT."

Pamela, Michael's mother and Kayne were next. He explained that he was trying to create an outfit that could be word separately or together. "It might be too matchy-matchy for me," Nina offered, while Michael thought "that Pamela could look a little hipper, a little groovier" and pointing to her neckline said, "a little bit of skin here, I think, would have looked fabulous on her. You know, there are ways to sort of trick the eye. 'Younge' is not a bad word."
Vincent with Heidi came under fire next, with The Klum grilling her in their native German tongue. Uli's mother loved the outfit, according to The Klum...only she knows for sure, though. Joan also loved it, saying, "I thought this was wonderful. I thought it was very appropriate. It looked right on you. You looked comfortable in it. I thought it was very flattering." "I think its a very chic, sleek dress for an adult. I think it's very good looking on her," added her son. The Garcia concurred.
Robert, with Vincent's sister Patricia, was asked about his outfit. "I think a tank dress was a very easy route," The Garcia was not amused, "I think prints...why not prints?" "I agree," The Klum interjected, "Print would have been great." "You are a designer. This is a design challenge," The Garcia continued. Both Robert and Patricia expressed their satisfaction with his final product. Heidi pointed out that it was cool that he was listening to his clients wishes, but he should know better than to not inject some style into the design. The Kors added his two cents and said, "It's a great basic, but I just think she's got a great personality, why not show it?"
The group was then asked to leave the runway and Angela, Laura and Jeffrey were brought out with their models. Lorraine and Angela were first up and The Garcia let fly immediately saying, "To be honest with you, Angela, I feel as though it's almost too young. It seems age inappropriate." Recalling the initial Hepburn idea, Joan Kors said she didn't see it at all, while Michael said, "Audrey Hepburn was about neatness, crispness. I mean, this is more Stevie Knicks in black."
Laura and Jeffrey's mom, Pam, were then up and Laura explained her idea of cruise-wear since Pam and her husband travelled extensively. "It's made very well," The Klum began, "but I just don't think it's very flattering for her. She looks really short on top and really long on the bottom." "Would you wear this on a cruise?" Joan asked. "I would wear this to dinner," Pam replied. "I find the scarf, the sailor buttons - all of it together is rather 'aging,'" Michael finished off.
Jeffrey and Darlene, Angela's mother were last. Jeffrey began by introducing Darlene explained the she's worked at the Salvation Army for 2 years. "The Red Cross," Darlene corrected him demurely.

"My personal assholery has never
been outdone before - congrats."

The further his explanation of the outfit went, the more uncomfortable Darlene became simply because he came out with a stream of bullshit that was so false, it was a little frightening, talking about how he based it on the outfits she wore when they met, how her only stipulating was being covered, etc.
The Klum was having none of this and interrupted, asking, "Darlene, how do you like your outfit?"
"Evidently, Jeff and I are obviously different and there was a lot lost in translation," she said amicably, actually being HONEST and TACTFUL (look it up, Jeff, you fucking waste), "I feel quite matronly. If I was in an exclusive department store and saw this, I would walk right by."
"My objective really was...really was...to make Darlene happy."

Seriously, at that completely unfounded comment, I wanted Angela to discreetly walk up behind him and smack him in the head. "At the same time," he continued, "to somehow put my stamp on this."
"It's very you," The Kors began, "but I think that maybe you were trying to please her, but not really. You have this tension going on - you were trying to please yourself and please her and I think the seesawing back and forth ended up with a confused outfit." What seesawing, btw? I didn't notice any myself. "I have to say I didn't really love it," The Klum added, "But at least I see your point of view here. Angela, how do you think your mom looks?" WOAH! Niiiice! :D Sorry, that moment made me giggle like a little girl meeting Jordan from NKOTB. Her reply? "Not attractive. I think it's embarassing." Eeeexcellent. The judges then deliberated as the designers left the runway.
Back from the break and Michael was the first name called, since he had immunity. Then Laura was called. The winner of the challenge was Vincent, which I think he actually deserved. Nice recovery, but you're still a fucking psychotic mess.
Uli was called next, followed by Kayne and then Angela. Robert and Jeffrey were left standing on the runway and The Klum brought the ax down on...

...Robert. I'm not surprised because as much of an asshole as Jeffrey clearly is, Robert is bor-the-fuck-ing. Seriously...his outfits have all blown huge amounts of ass. And, as I warned at the beginning of this recap, their outfits have less than 50% to do with the decisions. Jeffrey, still not content to be just an asshole, adds that Robert shouldn't have gone because he's a 'good person' and there 'are people here who aren't good people.' I wonder who he's talking about. I mean, it's not like his assholery is aimed at one person and their family members is it? Oh wait...nevermind.

Robert realizes the Gay Mafia was just a pipe-dream
...or was that a pole-smoke?

Until next week, gentle readers!

Tim G. "Make it work" count = 9
Tim G. "I'm concerned" count = 2

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Friday Feast #108

Appetizer
If you could have a free subscription to any magazine, which one would you like to have?
Probably to Entertainment Weekly or National Geographic

Soup
Describe your living room (furnishings, colors, etc.).
Dark brown furniture (bookcases, TV cabinet, etc), save my couch, which I'm in the process of creating a slipcover for (yes, still).

Salad
What does the shape of a circle make you think of?
The sun?

Main Course
Name 3 things in your life that you consider to be absolute necessities.
Friends, my cat and money...in that order.

Dessert
What was the last really funny movie you watched?
Legal Eagles was on yesterday and I forgot how clever and tightly made that film is. Still makes me laugh. "I'll pick the adjectives!"


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Belated Friday Feast #107

Appetizer
What color is your car?
Clear

Soup
If you could wake up tomorrow with full training in another occupation and a job in that field, what would it be?
Teacher

Salad
How many times in your life have you had the flu (or something similar)?
Many but only once did the flu disable me. I couldn't move off the couch for about 48 hours.

Main Course
What is something that has happened to you this week that you didn't expect?
I got approved for a credit card. Who'd a thunk it, huh? (My credit rating because of bad student loan payments in college was horrendous...thankfully it has improved significantly, at least according to the Credit Bureau)

Dessert

How old were you when you had your first kiss?
5 or 6?

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There's "The Show Must Go On..."

...and there's "You're a Bunch of Fucking Idiots"



Makes one wonder what kind of insane contract these girl's are signed to that they look so DEATHLY afraid to help out their fellow performer. Criminy. And nice fucking lipping - I'd call it lip-synching, but there was little to no synching going on, just a bunch of gum flapping in hopes that random lip shapes will match up to the horrendous 'music' playing in the background.

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Project WTF'ery 3.6

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so its that time o' week again, chillins'. What time say you? Project Runway time. Let's all gather round and listen, yes?




This is the first oddity we're treated to in episode 3.6, Michael, last week's winner, brushing his moustache and beard. I dunno, this just struck me as terribly odd and worrying, but then again, I did survive my summer of 2000 of watching Dr. Will pluck his hairline to perfection on Big Brother, so fuck it.
The usual crap ensues after the 'stache combin' and Michael yammers on about how proud he is of himself and how he's determined 'to win another one.' The two designers (Michael and Robert) are then shown leaving their flat, with Robert's nasally tones screeching about how they're the last people in that particular apartment after Bradley's departure. Vincent then pops up talking about how 'judging is very subjective' and how 'this is the riskiest thing [he's] done to date' but that '[he has] the talent and the constructionability (or is that construction [SPACE] ability...I couldn't tell) to make really good dresses' - obviously Vincent is on some kind of hallucinatory "medication." He also mentions that his 'chances to get to the finally three look good.' Wow. How deluded can one be? We are then treated to a weird, pointless shot of the girl's leaving their apartments.
Cut to the runway and Ms. Heidi Klum enters looking as gawd-awful as ever in some odd turquoise-black monstrosity that was spit out by the Bog of Eternal Stench in some cut scene from Labyrinth.


You remind me of the babe...what babe?

Heidi brings out the winning and losing designers models and again, we're treated to a pointless false-tease that someone might actually stir things up like Zulema and her 'mother fuckin' walk off' but as per usual, nothing changes and Bradley's former model is sent packing. Ms. Klum then begins talking about the next challenge, telling the designers that they've had it pretty easy so far.
Angela blurts out, 'No we haven't!'
'Oh yeah, compared to last season? You've had it pretty easy,' Heidi continues, 'So the next few challenges are going to be tough!
She goes on to tell them that they're going to find out just how difficult the next challenge will be tomorrow morning.


"Andre...?"

Cut to 5am the next morning and Tim Gunn, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, is a-knock-knock-knockin' on the apartment doors, waking everyone up, telling them that they have an hour to get ready. He also makes sure to make one thing clear to Vincent, "Tell Kayne and Jeffrey: No open-toed footwear." Because Jeffrey was hoping to wear his espadrilles, I'm sure. Everyone rolls their bones out of bed and starts to get ready, each one groggier than the last. Just as they're leaving, though, Alison says to Laura, 'Its a good thing you've got your riding outfit in case its horses.' I dunno about anyone else who watched, but the comment came off as more than a little cunty. That's all for now.
Vans pick everyone up and they're whisked off in the pouring rain, while Laura commented, 'I have no idea where we're going - the weather's terrible [and] New Jersey's looking as awful as it ever did.' Nice. Outside of a large warehouse, the vans pulled up and the designers poured out them with Robert describing the scene as 'some strange nightmare.' If this is a 'nightmare,' I think dear Robert needs more than a little therapy.
Everyone is lined up outside of this big door and it slowly starts to life, revealing...what you ask? A recycling plant. This could be interesting. Kayne seemed slightly excited, but Robert, his gay mafia partner, yelled, 'Shut UP! I don't want to work with trash!' I'll spare you a well placed joke about Kayne being from the South and designing prom dresses...oh wait. Nevermind.
Tim appears, wearing an outfit that can only be described as Dump Diver Chic, and tells them that they'll be making their designs out of recyclable materials this week. Good thing, too, coz I was slightly confused. Meh.

A spelunking we will go...

Then some dude from the Waste Management Facility talks to them about where they are while Tim as per usual, says 'this challenge is about innovation and creativity' - gotcha. Cut to a flurry of quick clips of everyone as they rummaged through the recycled goods, commenting as they went. Nothing really of note - Laura got some peanut bags, Uli got some silver crap and Jeffrey found a Martha Stewart magazine. Yippee. OH! And then Kayne came on talking about how he grew up White Trash and he and his sister 'used to go dumpster diving.' TMI, thank you kindly.
Vincent then yammered on about how he's 'going to make something contradictory to trash - [he's] going to make art.' I hate Vincent with the firey hot passion of 1000 suns and I don't care who knows it. Alison, on the other hand, was inspired to be working in something other than fabric.
All the designers were then carted off to an art supply store to buy products to put their outfits together with (paints, glues, staples, etc.)

"Where's Andre...?"

An ominous, echoey announcement resounded throughout the store that Tim G. was serving honey and crumpets in Aisle 3, so everyone headed there. Unfortunately, the tea party was cut short when they realized they all had to leave.
Barely sated, everyone returned to the workroom with their green boxes of recycled crap in tow. Before anyone was barely able to put them down, Tim dropped the bombshell - the designers only had until midnight to finish. Woah. Not wanting to waste any time, they immediately buckled down for some serious pressurized work.
The designers then started to reveal their plans for this challenge - Alison was going to make a voluminous skirt, while Angela stuck with what she loved and began a pathwork project. Vincent, on the other hand, let his inspiration guide him. This is actually what he said, "I let things evolve. I don't own the future, I don't go there, you know what I mean? I just let it come. Let it come...and that's how I work." UGH. So cliched.

A natural, zen-like pose
if ever I've seen one.

Laura, to her credit, saw right through his performance and described Vincent as 'completely wack,' 'not mentally stable' and about to 'crack any day now.' Heehee! What do you think?



Truth be told, I got the heads up on the clip below from The Soup on E!, but it was too hilarious to pass up: Enjoy (you must click this link)!

After that insanity, we were taken to the lunch room (a rarely seen treat - the only real memorable trip here was for Wendy Pepper's breakdown over the Hitler moustache drawn on her child's photo. I don't think we even saw the room at all in Season 2) where the Gay Mafia had gathered their heads for a family meeting.


Kayne and Robert were clearly bored of simply eating and working and so they jumped at Robert's brainstorm of 'trash-talking someone.' Their target? Laura. Robert surmised that sometimes Laura looks like she wants to 'shoot [him] in the face' but Kayne tried to soften the blow by saying, 'Her dress is cute.'
'It says "For Nuts Only." It looks like a strait-jacket, I was like - she's sewin' for herself again,' replied Robert. (Granted there was a REAL obvious edit between the two sentences, but cleverly disguising comments edited for dramatic effect is hardly one of Project Runway's editor's strong suits.)
Again, trying to be the better "man," Kayne offered, 'She kissed me on the cheek today.'
'I know, you're gonna get a rash. You better wash.'
I was positively drowning in the gayness - thank god that after an uber-queer exchange of two uber-contrived 'ciaos' we cut back to the workroom. But WAIT! The idiocy is hardly EVER over on Project Runway, as you know, so we were treated to Jeffrey's take on Laura's outfit. I bet I can guess what he's gonna say! I bet he's going to disguise his own insecurity with his wacky design aesthetic that no one really likes by calling Laura's one of three things (or a combination of any) - either 'boring,' 'safe' or just plain unworthy of being on the programme. Need I really write down what he did say? I guess I should just so he can't ever accuse me of slanting his thoughts.

"Laura is just boring me to tears. I can't believe Laura is doing what she's doing. I really pray to god the judges send her to the guillotine. Another high-waisted skirt. FUCK."

For the record - he's a little too interested in other people's work, dontchathink?? How's about we make another deconstructed pile o' shite, huh, speaking of boring?
Anyway, anyway, anyway, back to the show. We then cut to Alison, who turned out to be perhaps the stupidest person on the planet when she attempted to SEW through glued paper, expecting it to bind, perhaps like a book? But like anyone with three braincells would know beforehand, the piece was completely obliterated as the piercing needle stabbed through the flimsy paper repeatedly. Moron.

Before we continue, I have a test:

Is this me, as a child, painting a cheap, amateurish
background for an elementary school play?

Oops! Nope! It's Kayne's dress!

The designers continue to blah, blah, blah about how every challenge previous to this one has been a two day challenge, whereas the recycling crap project provided them with only ONE day. The drama, I tells ya. Laura then trotted (get it) on over to Alison's table, where the twit spoke to her about her recent freakout (which was oddly never shown). Thankfully, she's decided to change direction completely and only work with turquoise and yellow coloured paper (and hopefully remember that sewing paper doesn't work - I'm not really convinced, myself).
Uli then looked over at Kayne's outfit and was only able to muster a half-hearted, 'You're crazy.' You be the judge:

I personally think it looks like a Gay Dalek.

"EXTERMINATE...!"

Okay, calm down. Jeez. Kayne said he, 'chose lime green, which was an atrocious mistake.' Hmm...ya think?! It seemed like everyone had something to say about Kayne's "design" - Laura said, 'Kayne's dress is the clear dog in the room.' Kayne said, 'it ended up looking like a toad exploded all over it.'
Jeffrey's design was featured next and he said the usual arrogant prick dialogue he's usually spouting in every episode - 'I'm going to win' and 'I've got this in the bag.' Translation? "Bitch, you ain't gonna win."
Then we, the audience, were taken on a trip not unlike travelling through the anus of a cow wearing a huge plastic glove that ends around your neckline - Vincent's "design":

A true representation of the inner 'workings' of Vincent's brain.

Vincent's idea was to make a simplistic dress and just add crap he picked up at the recycling facility to it. His own thoughts on his dress:

"This dress is nice. It's hot. I look around the room - it feels good. It's like painting a picture, yunno and I think everyone likes to do things like that. It's using your heart."

Riiiiight...Laura managed to weigh in on his dress, also, saying, 'I'm not crazy about Vincent's design - it's just this long, strappy sort of sheath dress and he just glued garbage all over the front of it.' For his part, Vincent said that he seriously doubted he wouldn't go forward 'because it's a hot dress.'

Then Tim Gunn entered the room, surely armed with some sorely needed unintentional brevity. Let's live in hope, shall we? Uli's dress was first on his list and he simply said, 'This is gorgeous.' That's it and he moved on to Jeffrey, who's dress he described saying, 'Stunning. It's really incredibly stunning.' Vincent followed and the first thing out of Tim's mouth was, 'What is this?' Heehee! His response? 'I don't know.' What a fucking moron. I'm so DONE with this douchebag source of endless WTF'ery. Tim did have more constructive things to say like, 'I don't like the fact that it's only decorated on the front - it's like a painting that's walking' (wasn't that his entire point?) The Gunn then moved on to Michael, who's design was pretty badass, IMO, but Tim was only impressed by the top, calling the bottom 'a blank canvas' and asking Michael to 'make me believe.' WHAT?! No, 'MAKE IT WORK?' - how DARE you, Tim Gunn!

Oh the irony...

It was Alison's turn next and Tim just stared for a few moments. Alison attempted to break the silence by saying her model was 'blonde' so the outfit's colour would be very complimentary. Tim just turned and said, 'Don't you have a zoftic model?' I'm pretty sure he pronounced it that way, despite it being properly spelled as 'zoftig,' a Yiddish term meaning plump, from the German meaning juicy. I'm sure the term, whether pronounced properly or not rattled around the dimwit's head a few hundred times, bouncing inside her cavernous skull.
'What...I have Alexandra...what do you mean?' Haha!
'She's a little large?' Tim explained, to which Alison nodded knowingly.
Then Alison was shown in an interview clip saying, 'When Tim came in to check on our work, he was a little concerned...' FUCK IT! I'll count that shit!

Tim G. "I'm concerned" count = 1 2

Alison went on to explain how her model was 'larger' than all the other girl's there. Jeebus, these people have completely skewed senses of 'fat' and 'thin' - no wonder young girls are starving themselves. Anyway, that's another issue entirely. Tim then said quickly, 'I don't know' but continued on in another horrifically dubbed in 'live' comment, which clearly took place in the looping room two days after, 'Keep in mind - it's about the model you have. It has to look good on her.' The Gunn then shifted to Kayne, who's design completely baffled him. He did manage to get out, 'I'm disappointed - it looks like a highschool craft project.'

"Oh please, just stop - just STOP touching it, dammit!"

Kayne tried to stave off the hemorrhaging of amateur-hour-ness by asking Tim what would improve it. 'What if the circles were gone?' he asked.
'The circles are a HUGE problem.' Tim pointed out. Yes, much like telling a victim of brain cancer that he can be cured if his brain is removed, I think removing the circles is a start, myself. Kayne decided to remove the entire bottom portion (thank god) but his Gay Mafia compatriat was slightly concerned...as were we all.

"Do you have to be so mean about it, Tim...?"

Back from the break and Kayne was working like a Guatamalan 5-year old to finish his dress. He decided to go with some kind of prom-like monstrosity...could it possibly be worse than the previous version? We'll see. Alison, too, was working feverishly to make her work passable. The designer's deadline hit and they all headed back to their respective apartments. Kayne was still worried about whether or not he'd be cut, going so far as to say, 'I just really hate my dress.'
The next morning, everyone groggily hauled themselves out of bed, ready for the day. Kayne was raring to go, ready to fix his mistakes from yesterday, while some others, specifically Vincent, were completely delusional about their chances. They all headed to Parsons and the Gunn was awaiting them, sending in their models immediately and leaving with a curt, 'Make it work!' on his way out. The Gunn Strikes Again.

Tim G. "Make it work" count = 7 8

The models entered and began talking with designers. Uli asked Alison if her outfit fit her model and Alison confidently said, 'I know it will fit.'
'But did you try it on?'
'Not until later.'

Is that a death knoll I just heard? As if fastforwarding in some time-travelling time-travelly machine, we cut to Angela's model trying on her outfit, or at least attempting to. 'There's no way, man.' she said. Michael, Laura and Robert were all experiencing similar difficulties since the fabric of choice - PAPER - has no give whatsoever.
The models and designers headed upstairs to decide on the looks they wanted for their outfits. Kayne wanted something kooky, while Alison simply said, 'I want it all on top of her head.' The hairdresser then laughed and said, 'And we'll give her a big bow' as a JOKE. He even giggled a little to which Alison immediately replied, 'Yeah!' Oh dear LORD. Laura, who is clearly the authority this episode, said, 'The most painful thing to watch is Alison and Kayne's styling choices - the hair and the make-up. Alison showed up with this huge, like, Minnie Mouse, yellow bow of hair. It was frightening.' We then cut to Kayne in some sort of waiting room, sitting with Laura on a couch, saying, 'I think I could be in the bottom.' Laura then asked him why he chose the colour green he did on his model's eyes. Kayne's simple reply - 'Stress.' In an odd turn, Laura then let's loose saying, 'I swear to god, I worry about - wonder about your choices so often, sweetheart.' The gay meter then tipped into the red...


...and Kayne replied with, 'Well, honey, I worry about your character and that's worse.' Two snaps and around the world, girlfriend!

I would like to eat my Slim Jim in peace, thank y'all.

'I've been in the top 3 for the last 3 challenges, so I wouldn't worry about my choices,' he continued.
'Oh yeah, that last dress was nice.'
'Yeah it was - it was fantastic. So I'm just not gonna be degraded on camera. That's just bullshit.' Yikes!
Back to the other designers and Tim tells them all they have about five minutes left. Alison dressed her model but alas, as Tim predicted, there is no waistline to be found anywhere so she tried using masking tape to create the illusion of one. Vincent's design was atrocious, but he described it as 'a walking canvas of art. And it just got me off - I loved it. It was like a child's drawring.'

I'm gonna guess this is Vincent's favourite show.
Not just because it's full of children's chalk drawings
for him to beat off to, but because the like-minded
central character who pronounces drawing with two R's.

Back from the break and it was time for ze runway show. Heidi entered wearing a thankfully improved outfit from the beginning of the episode. She reminded everyone of the brief - create an outfit of recyclable materials (paper, plastics and metal) in one day. The Klum took time to remind all the designers that they were looking for a lot of innovation and creativity for this challenge. Good luck, Klumster. The judges were then introducted - Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe. Not sure who the hell Rachel Zoe is but I'm sure she's fucking scary important and influential in the word of clothes made of and/or worn by trash, so that's why she's there. On with the runway show:

Uli

Angela

Michael

Vincent

Robert

Jeffrey

Laura

Alison

Kayne


Then came the judgement:
With the mid-range players gone, we were left with Alison, Kayne, Laura, Jeffrey, Vincent and Michael. The models were then trotted out in preparation for the real interrogation to begin.
Michael's was up first and he described his take on 'innovation' to be pretending that the materials he was using were actually fabrics, so the plastic bag was organza, etc. Rachel Zoe starts off by saying, 'I think it's fantastic. I think it's simple and chic. It is very avant garde but not too much. It fits perfectly.'
'I really love this, too,' Nina added, while Michael said, 'I think you truly understood the word "innovation."'
Vincent's appallingly bad creation was next on the block and Heidi baited him, as usual, by insincerely saying, 'I would love to know what kind of materials you used. What did you find?'
'For this dress we used a plastic sac.' Okay, stop RIGHT THERE. That's seriously his design in a nutshell...and what was with his creepy use of the term 'we?'
'I think you have to look at how the clothes actually move.' Kors said first off. 'I think if it was a mini-dress and she could actually move and you didn't see the crunching when she walked...'
'When she comes out,' Vincent cut him off, 'and I see that, it turns me on. I'm proud of this dress.'


WTF'ERY, INDEED, KIDS.

'Yeah, it's a little bizarre, I think - this dress,' Nina offered.
'It is bizarre and that's what I like,' Vincent countered.
'It looks-'
'It's artsy...very artsy,' the condescention in Vincent's voice was barely disguised.
'You don't think that your model had difficulty walking down that runway?' Nina said.
'She did - yeah, she did.'
'I think that that's the trick - if it turns you on and you're excited by the dress, hey, but the reality is: whatever your idea, it's not functioning when she walks,' added Michael.

"I eat pretentious fucks like you for breakfast
so BRING IT ON, ASSHOLE!"

Heidi then stepped in and said, 'I do have to say that you were innovative and not afraid and I do appreciate that.'
Phew - now that the tension has subsided, The Klum turned to Laura. 'I love this dress,' Rachel said, 'and I think your tailoring is amazing.'
'[All] the pieces that I've seen from you are very elegant. You almost kind of know when it comes down the runway that it's a Laura outfit,' Heidi commented. Michael Kors loved the 'impecableness of everything' Laura did to that point.
The Toad Explosion was next with Kayne immediately starting into the mistakes that he made and coming up with Dumpster Dive Chic as a design idea - don't pinch my shit, dawg! Nina could hardly contain her outrage and nearly yelled, 'This is really - talk about looking like a costume, this really looks like a costume - a bad costume on top of it.' Rachel managed to find something positive, pointing out the intricacy of the design - niggah, please - but pointed out that "stopping" should have been somewhere on Kayne's checklist of activities.
'I think you stepped over the boundary of taste,' Michael added ominously.
Jeffrey's design (which I'll admit looks pretty damn good) was the next subject. Nine went first and said, 'I love the shape - the fact that you were, yes, innovative and it still looks wearable and beautiful - it's a great job.'
Rachel continued, 'It's different and it looks like fabric.'
'It's the only dress here,' Michael added, 'that actually moved when it walked down the runway. I think the sillhouette is great and it's kind of like ugly/beautiful which I think is very 'your' aesthetic.'
Finally, we arrived at Alison's dress. Tsk, tsk, tsk. 'To me she looks huge,' started Heidi, 'I don't think it's very flattering for her body and she looks kind of like Minnie Mouse, in a way, with that funny hair on her head.'


Still not finished, Heidi went on to say, 'She looks like a plus model in this. It is not flattering at all.'
'If this is your model you have to sort of think, what's going to be flattering on her,' Rachel explained.
Michael even heaped on, 'It's really unflattering. I find that really surprising from a female designer that you would do that to a beautiful young girl who's got a great figure.'
But wait! Heidi AGAIN wasn't finished, 'Can we see it from the back?' As the model turned, she went on to say, 'It seems so stuck together.'
'It looks like a dinner napkin,' Michael kept going, 'just crumpled up. She's like a paper brioche.'
Thank god that's over - the designers then left the runway for the deliberation.

Alison, Vincent, Laura, Michael, Jeffrey and Kayne were brought back out. Laura's name was called first, followed by a brief 'You're in' and she disappeared behind the program logo. 'And now for the winner,' Heidi went on, 'Congratulations...Michael.' (YES!!!) With that, Michael disappeared. Jeffrey's name was quickly called and he, too, left behind the logo, but not before some icy glares in response to Michael's win. Of course, once backstage, Jeffrey has some arrogant and idiotic dialogue (as per usual).
'What a day I'm having - Michael wins for clothes that are the equivalent of diabetic food - there's no flavour.' That's right, Jeffrey, coz diabetics are allergic to FLAVOUR. You arrogant, ignorant prick.

That left Vincent, Alison and Kayne, who was called first. 'You're in, but just barely,' Heidi warned him. My call for the eliminee was far and away Vincent, who's pretentious, contrived and talentless drivel has lost all novelty and comedic value to me. The judges, however, were clearly smoking something good because Alison was sent packing.
I was disappointed but not surprised - prolly the same thing Alison was feeling at the time. Vincent, though, was the one who should have gone home. Apparently Laura felt the same way (or at the very least didn't appreciate some of his comments on the runway, to say nothing of her contempt for his design) because after Alison returned back for the 'weep & wave' moment in the episode, a can of whoop-ass was opened on Vincent. I won't ever bother transcribing it - just watch...


A sign of drama to come? Perhaps...only time will tell.

Also, was he intimating that diamonds might not be the only things going up Laura's nose? Who knows. She certainly had a hair across her ass about something in this episode, never missing an opportunity to cut up someone else's work. Having said that, the bitch can talk trash until she's blue in the face - I love her. She can design the pants of every one of them, save Michael and perhaps Jeffrey if he could lose the rockstar angle.

Anyhoo - that's it for now, true believers! I'll try to be quicker next week!

Tim G. "Make it work" count = 8
Tim G. "I'm concerned" count = 2

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